


Shades of Gray

by Slash_addict



Series: Burning Bridges [2]
Category: DCU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-13
Updated: 2011-08-13
Packaged: 2017-10-22 13:50:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 35,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/238724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slash_addict/pseuds/Slash_addict
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Joker has a new face, a new name and…a new job? Look out Wayne Tech, life is about to get very interesting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shades of Gray

**Author's Note:**

> This story will incorporate some of the Batman the animated series but mostly it is founded in the DC Comic universe. If you've never seen the TV show you'll be fine, but if you haven't read the comics, mainly Robin and Teen Titans you might be a bit confused. This takes place after the Newest Crisis Series if you haven’t read the Crisis Series the basic idea is that there is a multiversity with hundreds of thousands of worlds, a bad guy showed up and tried to merge all worlds into one world. It sucked. People died, specifically Superboy. Which *really* sucked in my humble opinion. After the Crisis Batman along with Robin and Nightwing took off for places unknown. At this point we are about half a year into their absence. It should also be noted that in my Universe Robin did not go to live in Bludhaven after the death of his father.
> 
> Note:
> 
> This story was edited and updated on 5/4/2014

A phone conversation will be denoted by <hey there>

Communication over a computer will be denoted << hey there>>

Shades of Gray:  
Chapter One.

<You got a job _where_?! > Miriam demanded.

<Wayne Tech.> Jay replied, tucking the phone against his shoulder as he swiveled in his chair, squinting over his glasses at his laptop. <What? I thought you'd be pleased. Fuck I know _I_ was. You should see what he's paying me. Shit, if I'd known I could make this much money I'da gone legit _years_ ago. Whoo. I've never seen this many zeros in one place! >

<But . . .> Miriam sounded oddly hesitant, <Wayne Tech, really?> 

Jay paused, <Sure why not?>

<I thought you liked Aldrich Labs.>

<I did, but, Head Director M! Lucius Fox gave me a deal that I just couldn't refuse. The package is amazing . . . > He frowned at the phone. <What gives?  I thought you’d be over the moon about this.>

<Nothing, nothing. It's just a bit of a shock. And, you know, Bruce Wayne has something of a reputation.>

<Yeah, we've met. Or rather I've knocked him off a few buildings.> He chuckled. <Don't worry about it.   I can handle myself with Mr. Moneybags. Not that I think that I'll even be seeing him that much, I understand that he's out of the country at the moment and even then, I doubt that he waltzes into the Experimental Science department all that often. Hell, I doubt he even knows where it is.>

< . . . You might be surprised.>

* * *

Jay straightened his tie for the sixth time as he inspected himself in the mirror. The amulet that Miriam had worked up for him was fantastic, if slightly too close to the truth for his own liking. He'd tried to get her to give him straight hair and broader shoulders but she'd told him that it was best to keep the illusion as close to reality as possible, and as she was already having to cover something as glaring as bleached skin and green hair there hadn't been much room for anything else. So he had to deal with his curly hair and narrow frame the same way he always did, by studiously ignoring them.

He'd been living on his own for three months now. The year with Miriam had gone more quickly than he'd anticipated. As per the regulations that Miriam had set up, he had moved into one of the appointed recovery homes that all of the inmates of Arkham were required to live in for one to three years after their time in Arkham Asylum; his had just happened to be her home as well. It had neatly allowed for the Joker to disappear and for Jay to be born. He hadn’t wanted to go back to using the name Jack, but he couldn’t very well stay The Joker. Harley had called him Mr. J, so now he was just Jay. He liked it. Miriam had asked him once if he still considered himself the Joker. The question had caught him off guard. Truthfully, even now, he wasn’t really sure. He certainty didn’t consider himself Jack and that didn’t leave all that many options.  But as he’d yet to gas a single city block in over two years . . . . .

He’d found that he’d actually enjoyed living with Miriam and her family. Miriam, as always, was wonderful and Tina, who had dubbed him Uncle Jay, was a doll.  Jay had fallen in love with her almost from the start, and Miriam’s uncle, Shaun, had been surprisingly supportive about having his home invaded by a former super villain, but still, he was happy to be on his own. Truly on his own, he smiled to himself, happiness humming through him. Occasional it would hit him all over again, that he was truly free and he would feel so jubilant that he would start laughing and it would take him a few minutes before he could come down from the high.

Jay did one more last minute mirror check then grabbed up his keys, and headed out the door.

He had moved into a one bedroom apartment in the better part of Gotham Central with a truly amazing kitchen. To both his and Miriam's extreme surprise, he had taken up an interest in cooking. She'd started teaching him one Sunday when he’d been driving her crazy and she couldn't think of anything else for him to do. Soon he'd been inventing recipes of his own and serving dinner to the entire family. He'd found it a bit like experimenting with chemicals with edible results.

He glanced down at the directions on the passenger seat and cursed under his breath, how the fuck could he get lost? You could see the damned thing from everywhere in the fucking city.

Despite his early words to Miriam, he was somewhat anxious about starting work at Wayne Tech.  That she’d had the same doubts had bugged him, but the idea of getting to be his own boss was too good to turn down.  He’d liked Aldrich Labs but there had been couple of times that he’d come close to clocking a few of his superiors.  Rules still grated at times.  Annoying and stupidly unnecessary rules more so.  
   
Good God, it’s like its own country Jay mused as he finally pulled into the parking lot of Wayne Tech Industries. After hesitating for a few moments he decided to park in Visitor Parking. Lucius hadn't told him exactly where he needed to park and Jay didn't want to take someone else’s spot by accident.

"Hello," he greeted the receptionist, "I'm the new Head of Experimental Sciences. I wonder if you could-"

"Yes. Mr. Fox said that you would be in today. One moment please."

He let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Damn he _was_ nervous. He’d faced off against the World’s Finest and he was afraid of a balding middle-aged man in a three piece suit.   He shook his head, glancing around the opulent entry way and tallying the cost of the prosaic pictures in gold plated frames and the huge potted ferns in marble planters out of habit. Jeez, he should have knocked this placed over; the entry alone would have been worth it.

"Jay!"

Jay turned to see Lucius striding towards him. "Hi Lucius. This is a hell of a place you've got here."

Lucius laughed. "We've got to impress people."

"It works."

"Glad to hear it. This way."

He steered him towards the elevator, pulling out a keycard and swiping it through a scanner and then placed his finger to a keypad. "We've got to take you to security and get you vetted. Once we've got you clearance I'll show you around the building and then to your office and introduce you to your new staff."

"Sounds good to me. I do have a few questions."

"Alright, shoot."

"Goals for the department, what are they?"

Lucius grinned. "You don't beat around the bush, do you?"

"Nah, life’s too short."

"All right, well I’ve got all of that for you and a great deal more right here." He fished around in his pocket and then held up a flash drive. "It'll bring you up to speed on all of the company's past project successes and failures. What we're shooting for now, what is expected of you and so forth."

Jay took the flash drive and slid it into his briefcase. "Wonderful."

The Security vetting was long and dull; he was made to sign confidentiality form after confidentiality form until his hand threatened to seize up. Finally he was ushered into his part of the building and given the Grand Tour; which began with the introduction of the minions. The first stop was the last head of the department’s secretary, Tira Keening. A stunningly beautiful woman with blond hair and full lips who was wearing a little red number that clung in all the right places.

"Tira, this is Jay O'Connell, he's the one that will be taking over for Ben.  Jay meet Tira Keening one of the best damn administrative assistants on staff."

Tira smiled, extending a well manicured hand. "Hello Mr. O'Connell, welcome to the department."

"Call me Jay, please, and thank you."

Her smile widened. "Jay."

They left her and entered his new office and then, through a connecting door in the office, the laboratory.   Jay felt his mouth fall open. It. Was. _Huge_. And he'd thought the facilities at Aldrich Labs were enormous. They could fit in this room twice over with room to spare.

"Oh my God, Lucius!"

Lucius was beaming like a proud parent. "I know. Great isn't it?"

"Great? This fucking amazing!  I’ve seen smaller warehouses!"

Lucius clapped him on the shoulder. "I'm glad you like it, I knew that you would. I'm really pleased that you agreed to come, Jay. You're gonna be good for this place. I can feel it."

" _I'm_ gonna be good for _it_? I think you've got it backwards." He couldn't stop staring, his hands were itching to go mess with things, screw the rest of the tour . . .

"Come on." Lucius chuckled. "I knew I should have saved this for last. We've just got a few more people for you to meet and then you can start getting to know the place."

Jay gave him a mournful look that just made him laugh as he led him out the primary entrance to the lab and into a hallway where he knocked on a door that was half open.

"Pete, you in?"

A young man with scraggly, sandy brown hair looked up, blinking behind enormous coke bottle glasses, he held up a finger, phone to his ear as he "uh umed" and "yeahed" into the receiver. Finally he hung up, sighing hugely and leaned back in his chair, his magnified gray eyes seeking them out. "Oh, hey, you must be Mr. O'Connell."

"Call me Jay." He laughed. "Who was that?"

"What? Oh." He made a face. "Accounting. I didn't file some form or other. I don't know. Anyway," He stood up from the desk, hand outstretched, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Jay."

"Same here….?" Jay let the sentence trail of to indicate that he'd not actually been given the man's name in return.

"Oh, Pete. Pete Medscer"

He grinned. "Pete."

"Pete here specializes in application and synthesis, among other things," Lucius explained, eyes twinkling. "Some of the best ideas to come out of this department have come from him."

Pete ducked his head at the praise. "Um, thanks Mr. Fox. I should get back to work. It was nice meeting you, Jay."

"He's a good guy, but really shy." Lucius explained on their way to the next office. "Don't worry if it takes a while for him to warm up to you. And this," Lucius said grandly, "is Jennifer Peterson, the best chemist in Gotham." A harassed looking women in a lab coat glanced up from her laptop, phone on her ear and made a face at them.

"No James, I'm going to need the break-down by the end of the day. I don't care what Thomas says. I need it by the end of the working day today otherwise it is going to throw off my statistics. I don't care if that means that you are going to have to stay late. Then you'll just have to cancel your golf game. Life is hard James. Deal with it." She hung up. ”Hello Lucius, is this the new one?" She narrowed her eyes at Jay. "Jay O'Connell, wasn't it?"

Jay smiled slightly; it didn't reach his eyes. "Yes."

"Nice to meet you, I'm sorry I can't really talk. I'm afraid that I'm in the middle of a bit of a crisis.”

“So we heard.”  Jay replied dryly.

“We’ll let you get on with it then, Jennifer.” Lucius said magnanimously as they headed back out and down the hall. And so it went. Jay was introduced to employee after employee: some friendly, some not, some obviously intelligent, some not. It would take weeks, possibly months to ascertain where everyone fit into the hierarchy. It was like the days of picking henchmen, only legal. He chuckled mentally, he was going to enjoy every damned minute of it.  
   
* * *  
   
Three figures sat shrouded in darkness.

“How far behind are we?”  One of them demanded.

Black leather gloves rubbed together, a nervous twitch. “The Crisis caused both minor and major operational problems worldwide, which in turned caused people to go back into systems we previously believed secure. Nothing has been found to date but I’ve had to retrace everything to ensure that this remains the case. Some of the systems in which the virus was initially planted have become inoperable and another launch site will have to be chosen.”

“Estimated time?”

“Six to nine months.”

“Unacceptable,” hissed another voice.

The gloved hands stilled.

“Come now, our young friend cannot be blamed for events quite obviously beyond any of our control. It will take as long as it takes.”

“T-thank you.”  
   
* * *  
   
“You’re mad at me.”  Tim accused.

Miriam looked at Tim over the rim of her ice-cream sundae. “Let’s think about that, shall we? The world suddenly goes to hell in a hand basket. Worlds are merging, life is chaotic and unpredictable – I mean more so than usual and this is Gotham we’re talking about – we may all be dead in thirty seconds time and I’m supposed to be mad because after it was all over and you didn’t stop to tell me where you and your fellow vigilantes were going for some well deserved R&R?”

“So you’re not mad?”

Miriam snorted, “No.  You were kinda dealing with the end of the world as we knew it, and,” Miriam’s eyes slid away for a moment, “I was fairly busy myself.”  She added quietly.

Tim glanced at her sharply. “What happened?”

She sighed. “I had to go back to Wales and make sure that the wards weren’t breached. I mean the last time this happened Gareth went off and had an affair with the Queen of the Fae, and I didn’t need that to happen again, yeah?”

“Are you ok? Did . . . did anything happen?”

“No. Well I mean yes, I stopped the wards from breaking, but . . . no one knew I was there. I kept out of sight. Oh, I’m sure a few of the most powerful of the tribe knew that they were getting some help from somewhere but they weren’t going to question it. Not then. Not when things were so close to the edge. Later maybe, they’d ask around, see if anyone else felt the same way and put things together but obviously I’m not there anymore, so it doesn’t really matter.” She shook her head signaling the end of the discussion. “What about you. Are you ok? I heard about . . . about Conner. I’m so sorry Tim.”

“I’m . . . no. I’m not good. I’ve-” His shoulders slumped. “I’ve been trying to clone him, M. I want him back. I’ve lost so many, just this one, I want him back.”

Miriam closed her eyes briefly. “Oh Tim.” She reached out and took his hand. “Is there anything that I can do?”

He looked surprised, “You’re not going to try and talk me out of it?”

She cocked her head. “Why would I? He was a clone to begin with, right? Why not then? Didn’t you say that one of your fellow Teen Titians, Raven I think it was, touched his soul?”

Tim nodded, looking confused. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“Well there see,” Miriam said thoughtfully, “If he had a soul then bringing him back is possible.  That is if you can get him cloned, then I can try and walk his soul back from the dead. I’m not making any promises,” she warned sternly at the painfully hopeful look on his face, “but there are ways that it can be done if the body can be prepared. At the very least I can try.”

He looked dejected once again. “I’m not having any luck with the cloning. I can’t get it to work. I’ve tried everything.” He looked up hopefully. “Any good at experimental science?”

“No,” she said slowly, “but I know a guy.”

*  
“Who do you know that works at Wayne Tech?” Robin asked as they walked the halls under protection of one of Miriam wards. The precaution was entirely unnecessary, it was nearly three in the morning, and the only people still in the building were the guards and those employees who were so obsessed with their work that Armageddon could take place right outside their laboratory door and they wouldn’t notice.

“His name is Jay.”

Robin stared at her, shock and outrage warring on his face. “You got the _Joker_ a job at Wayne Tech laboratories?!” he hissed. “Are you out of your mind?”

She rounded on him. “First of all, he got himself the job,” she corrected, her voice sharp enough to etch glass. “Second his name is Jay, not the Joker.  Finally, you’ve been gone for half a year, Tim.  He is well and truly sane.  He’s worked very hard to get where he is, and if you do anything, _anything_ , to mess this up for him, I will never forgive you. Do you understand? I’m doing this to try and help you. Because I think he might be able to, but I’ll take you home right now if I think you can’t handle this— I’ll even break my own god’s be damned rule and wipe your memory.”

She watched him, eyes hard as he stared at her and then he nodded slowly. “I’m sorry. That was out of line. You’re trying to help me. I won’t do anything, and I won’t say anything, to him or to Bruce.” He hesitated, and then added quietly, “But do you really think he’ll help me?”

“Aye, he said that he would as a favor to me.”

They’d entered a huge laboratory. Robin had been in here once before with Bruce; he’d been impressed then, even empty it was equally impressive now. Actually, he realized, it wasn’t entirely empty, there was a single man hunched over a microscope at the end of one of the rows. As they approached he glanced up and smiled. He was lanky, with black, curly hair and green eyes behind narrow glasses.

“Evening you two,” he said as he stretched, lifting his glasses to rub at his eyes. “I was beginning to wonder if you were coming.”

“Yes,” Miriam said shortly. “I’m afraid we had to stop for a small discussion outside. He guessed, Jay.”

Robin’s eyes widened as Jay cackled, a laugh which unmistakably belonged to the Joker, and said, “I told you he would.”

“Sorry.”

He waved it away. “No worries M, if you trust him then we should all get along fine. So,” he turned towards Robin, who was suddenly unnerved ever so slightly to find that very penetrating stare focused on him, “What have you got for me?”

Robin, letting none of his unease show, produced the flash drive that held all of his files and handed it over to him. “This contains all of my trials to date. Thus far I have been unsuccessful in stabilizing the DNA.”

Robin watched as The Joker- Jay- popped the flash drive into a laptop and flicked through the information. He let out a low whistle. “Since when was Superboy a clone of Superman and _Lex Luthor_?” He glanced at the two of them.

Miriam’s eyebrows rose and she looked over at Robin.  Robin shrugged. “It’s been known in certain circles for about a year or so.”

“Damn. Luthor never mentioned.” Jay shook his head. “You think he would have, man bragged about shit like that all the damn time.” Jay muttered.  “Alright I’ll look it over and see what I think I can do. Needless to say, I can’t clone somebody here and I’m making the assumption that you actually have access to the DNA of both parties.” He waited for the confirming nod from Robin. “Excellent. If I think I can get it to work, we’ll have to work out somewhere to do it. And a budget.”

“Money is not a problem,” Robin replied tersely.

Jay laughed. “Yeah, I thought you might say that. You guys all ways did have the best toys and they don’t come cheap, that’s for damned sure. I’ll be in touch.”

Miriam nodded and ushered Robin out the way they’d come. He was quiet as they headed towards the front of the building, descending through limited access floors and hallways using the keycard that she had hacked months ago so that she could visit Jay at work, to let them back out again.

“Why did we meet here? Why not somewhere else?” Robin asked once they were back outside.

“Hmmm? Oh, he hates to leave work.” She rolled her eyes affectionately. “He's the biggest damned workaholic, he makes you and me look like slackers.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he gets bored.” She explained. “He does go home— eventually. When they make him.  Or I make him.   But yeah, he’s got a shower in his office and he sleeps on the couch. He just likes to be able to wake up and go.”

“God, he sounds like Bruce.”

Miriam laughed softly. “They actually have a lot in common.  It’s really very scary. And I’m sorry that I went all wiggy on you in there when you got weird about him being here. I do understand. I got upset too. I tried to talk him out of it, but they’d made him the head of the department and-”

“You’re not serious!”

“Yeah. They did. Tim, you gotta understand, he’s really good at what he does. And he just never quits, no one can keep up with him. He’s still an obsessive personality, he’s just changed the obsession to something that isn’t illegal. We’re still working on that, mind, he has session four times a week and I’m still trying to get him to do the whole ‘normal life’ thing. But he’s happy and that’s what’s really important. Hell, how normal are you and I?”

He sighed. “Well, I meant what I said about not telling anyone, and I won’t. But Miriam this is asking for trouble.   When he finally gets back, Bruce _will_ figure it out.”

“I don’t know Tim. Honestly? He might not. You did because you had the prompting first, but no one else has.”

“He’s got the same _laugh_ , Miriam!”

Miriam looked confused. “Sorry?”

“The Joker’s laugh. I’d know it blindfolded and half dead. So would Bruce. The whole ‘world’s greatest detective’ thing aside, he will recognize that laugh in a heartbeat. Granted, if he _never_ laughs around Bruce then there is a _chance_ he might not figure it out. The appearance does throw it off a lot, but if he laughs then Bruce will know.”

“Laugh, huh? I’ll mention it to Jay. We’ll work on it.”

“Wait, does Jay know?”

“What? About Bruce? No! Of course not. Just like Bruce can’t know about Jay.”

*

“Hey Robin, you’re here early.”

“Quiet night.”

“Yes well, with M out there fixing all the baddies Gotham’s just not the same anymore.” Jay flashed him a grin.

Robin grinned back. “I’m ok with that. So how are things coming?”

“Quite well. We’re through the rough stuff. If things hold we should have a brand new baby Conner by sometime next month.”

“Jay you are amazing.” Robin laughed.

“Awww,” Jay batted his eyelashes at him, “I bet you say that to all the ex-super villains.”

Robin laughed again, it was euphoric. He’d thought it was never going to work. He’d thought that Jay wouldn’t be able to do it, or would give it a shot but would come up empty like he had. He’d never thought that Jay would meet up with them a few nights later and say in what Robin was coming to know was his typical flippant way. “Oh, sure it’ll be cake, just let me find a warehouse and we’re golden.”

“Don’t they miss you at work?” Robin asked as he took a seat next to where Jay was monitoring the feeding system.

Jay glanced up and grinned impishly. “Are you kidding? My team is probably throwing a party. We’re, like, six months ahead of schedule. Lucius doesn’t know what to give me next and Bruce Wayne isn’t due back for another couple of weeks.” He snickered. Robin noticed that it was startlingly different from the old Joker laugh; Miriam had done her magic again. “Nah, they’re thrilled that I’m taking a break."

“So what do you think they’ll have you working on next?”

“We’ll I’m hoping to go pitch a few of my own ideas. I’m optimistic that now that I’ve got Lucius so strapped for ideas of his own that he’ll agree without really listening.”

“Why, what do you want to do?”

“Well, I’ve really enjoyed working on this cloning bit,” he indicated the warehouse with a sweep of his arm, “and while I know that it's _technically_ illegal, I think that it could be pretty damned useful, so I was hoping to work on something of that nature. Not cloning entire individuals but just cloning pieces, such as, say, livers or kidneys. It would eliminate organ rejection. And individual organ cloning would also do away with all the pesky moral issues,” he rolled his eyes, “that always seem to tangle up the cloning process in the first place.”

“I should think cloning just pieces would be harder.”

“Yeah I know,” he crowed happily, “won’t that be great?”  
   
* * *  
   
“I’m telling you, Bruce, the man is like a machine! We’re six months ahead of schedule. He’s pitching ideas to _me_ at this point.”

“He sounds a little too good to be true, Lucius,” Bruce pointed out as he continued going over the files.

“I know. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop but from day one he’s been fantastic. Man’s never even asked for a raise. He seemed surprised when I gave him one midyear.”

“Well he certainly sounds like a good replacement for Benjamin.” His expression darkened. “How much money did he embezzle?”

Lucius sighed. “About 1.5 million.”

“And he got away?”

Lucius winced at Bruce’s tone. “I’m so very sorry Bruce, I truly am, but with all the chaos and everything going on, no one questioned when he wanted to take a vacation. I mean who the hell didn’t want to? And then when we found the money missing . . . .we didn’t even put it together right away. I mean it was Benjamin Moore for crying out loud. He’d been with us for what? Nineteen years? I thought that man was a solid as they come. It just goes to show that you just never know anybody. Not really. I’m sorry that I didn’t get your approval before hiring O’Connell but he’s-”

Bruce waved it away. “What’s done is done and he certainly seems to be the smart choice. I’m looking forward to meeting him. Now what else have I missed?”

Shades of Gray:  
Chapter Two

   
Jay noticed a difference the moment that he stepped into the building. He had actually gone home the night before, mainly because he’d gotten tired of sleeping in the same clothes and opted to change. Now, in freshly laundered attire he was back and ready to stay for another few days. But when he’d walked in he’d felt a buzz of excitement— it had followed him up the elevator and into his office.

“Tira, what the hell is going on?”

“Hey Jay,” she purred. Tira had long ago given up on actively trying to get into Jay’s pants but she seemed to hold out hope that he’d come around in time. “Mr. Wayne is back from his trip.”

“Oh, is that what all the fuss is about? Jesus, you’d think the Pope was here.”  He shook his head derisively, “Whatever, I’ll be in the lab.”

Other than the tittered exchanges around the water cooler there hadn’t been much difference as far as Jay was concerned. The lab ran as smoothly as it always did, which translated as only a few things blown up and only one person needing to seek medical attention – and it was only an intern so that didn’t even really count. As the evening wore on, he dialed in via skype to check on Superboy via remote and found Robin watching over him.

<<What are you doing there?>>  He asked in surprise  <<Shouldn’t you be, I don’t know, at school or something?>>

<<Jay, its 8:00 at night. Schools out.>>

<<oh. Right. Ok. Then shouldn’t you be out saving the world? M can’t have cured everyone.>>  When Robin ignored him, Jay softened his tone, << He’s fine Robin. I promise.>>

<<I know. But it’s my night off and Miriam is working late.>>

<<Well, tell her tough cookies and drag her to a movie, it’ll be good for her. >>

<<Pot, kettle>>

He laughed, which caused a few people to start and turn around, he shooed them back to what they were doing and then turned back to the screen. <<what? You want me to come too?>> He crooned, <<Bird boy I’m touched.>>

Robin rolled his eyes, <<You could come, sure. >>

<<Robin, I was joking.  I can’t go to the movies with you, secret identify remember?  You can’t very well go in costume.>>

<<You let me worry about that. Hold on, I’m going to call her.>>

He gave a mental shrug and while he waited ran checks on Superboy to make sure that everything was fine. No need to lie to the Boy Wonder now, that wouldn’t be good. Happily all systems were indeed go, so no problem there.

<<Ok, she says that she’s good to see the movie but she gets to pick.>>

Jay paused wondering for a moment if it might not just be more expedient to stab himself in the eye with a fork and be done with it,<<Uh, you do know that she has horrible taste in movies right?>>

Robin sighed, <<Trust me, I know.>>

* * *

“I can’t believe you made me watch Mosh Pit Bunnies from the Planet Zoom II,” Rob moaned, head in his hands.

“I can’t believe that they made a second one,” Jay commented morosely.

“Oh stop whining the both of you. It was fun, and you know it. Jay, I saw you laughing and you as well, Rob.” She threw a bit of napkin at him.

“I was laughing at the comments that Jay was making _about_ the movie, not at the movie itself,” Rob defended himself.

“I’m the Joker, I’ll laugh at anything, just ask anyone.”  He pointed at Robin, “Tell her Rob.” Robin nodded solemnly, “See.” 

“Whatever you know you loved it – Ooo food!” The waitress set down their orders and Miriam attacked hers with her usual gusto; Jay shook his head affectionately and exchanged glances with Rob who just smiled.

“I have to say M that your continued insistence on seeing these horrible movies makes me doubt your fitness to judge the sanity of others.” Jay confided as he twirled his spaghetti around on his fork and dogged expertly as a bit of napkin was then thrown at him. “And Rob,” Jay said, with a smirk, “I like this street look for you.  Very 1980s street thug, do you have a boom box stashed somewhere?”

Robin wearing sunglasses and a backwards cap in an attempt to hide his identity, much like had had when he’d worked with Young Justice.  He knew he was taking a bit of a risk, but at this point he sincerely liked Jay.   The Joker had been a monster, but Jay O’Connell was a great guy who was bending over backwards to help him for no other reason than that Miriam had asked him. And over the last few months of working together they’d become friends. Robin knew that he couldn’t tell Jay who he was without providing a very big clue as to who Batman was but after some deliberation he’d concluded that the risk of discovery was minimal.  Even without his mask Jay wouldn’t know who he was, it’s not like he was a recognizable personality like Bruce Wayne.  And on the outside chance that Jay did realize who he and Bruce were, well, Jay had as much or more to lose by gaining the public’s attention than they did.

“Thanks.”  Robin returned dryly.

“But I bet you a swim in a vat of acid that Bats doesn’t know that you’re out here.” Jay continued.

Over the months of associating with Jay, Robin had also realized that Jay was scarily perceptive, extremely intelligent and possibly more driven than even Bruce.  It was a good bet that even without the veneer of insanity he could give Batman challenge. “You’d be right about that.” He agreed.

“I’m not trying to find anything Rob.” Jay assured him, “I _really, really_ don’t want to know.  I mean _really_.  As far as I’m concerned you’re just some kid with really weird taste in clothing.”

“Thanks… I think.”

“Awwww, it’s a Kodak moment.”  Miriam crooned.

“Oh shut up M,” They retorted in unison

* * *

“Burning the midnight oil?”

Jay’s head jerked up and he yelped in surprise.  Clutching a hand to his chest, he barked “Don’t _do_ that!” He blinked blearily at the man standing next to him. “Ah,” he rubbed at his eyes tiredly, “I mean hello Mr. Wayne and how are you?” Jay had been wondering when Wayne was going to put in an appearance. Honestly he’d thought that he would receive a summons to the office at some point; he certainly hadn’t expected the man himself to show up in his laboratory at one-thirty in the morning and scare the shit out of him.

Wayne smiled sheepishly, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” He held out a hand, “It’s good to finally meet you Mr. O’Connell.  I’m sorry that I haven’t been by sooner, Lucius has spoken very highly of you.”

Jay smiled, taking the offered hand. “Call me Jay.  So what can I do for you?”

Wayne glanced at his watch, a one of a kind Fitzer Fitzgerald worth over 16,000 dollars, Jay noted absently. “Lucius wasn’t kidding when he said that you worked all hours. You do know we don’t require our employees to work round the clock, Mr. O’Connell.”

Jay snorted, “You’re one to talk.”

Wayne chuckled, “I’ve been trying to catch up after my time away. Which is part of the reason I stopped by, I’d like to try and get together sometime this week so that we can get to know a little bit about one another.”

Jay nodded, “Yeah, sure, how 'bout now? I’ve got to let this simmer” he gestured to the maspectometer which was chewing away at his data, “for the next hour or so and I could use something to eat. There’s a pub not far from here where I usually go for dinner.”

Wayne looked surprised but nodded. “Sure sounds great.”

They walked across the street to the rather dingy pub called McCall’s. Jay was rather surprised that Wayne had agreed to accompany him. He’d expected a brush off and an invitation to meet with him later in the week. He found himself reevaluating his impression of Bruce Wayne in his head yet again.  Discreetly he watched the man walking next to him out of the corner of his eye. Tall, broad shoulder, in a well-made suit that probably cost more than Jay’s car. Wayne was confident and poised as he made his way along the gutted out alley.   Jay had heard rumors about Wayne, hell who hadn’t; he’d heard that he was a playboy billionaire with a different girl for every day of the week.  Two on Sunday. A man who drove expensive cars and went to too many parties and wasn’t all that bright. The man next to him seemed at odds with that description. Granted the tabloids were wont to exaggerate.  But there was something, something that Jay could not put his finger on that was niggling at the back of his brain. It would be there for only a second, Wayne would seem to hold himself differently as his eyes darted a quick look to the shadows and then it was gone and Wayne was again nothing more than a wealthy man out for a stole.

 “So,” Wayne asked as they took their seats in the corner booth at the back of the pub, “what made you decided to come to Wayne Tech?”

“Money.” Jay responded promptly. “I think my eyes nearly popped out of my head at the size of the salary Lucius was offering. I’d never seen that much money in one place in my life. The toys that you kids had to offer weren’t all that bad either, mind you.”

“Are you enjoying the work?”

“God yes, can’t get enough of it.”  Jay cackled and he thought he saw something flash behind Wayne’s eyes, there and gone again.  He had met Wayne before, remembered, back in his Joker days, and he made more of an effort to modulate his voice.  “And the staff is ok as well,” he continued after taking a sip of his drink to calm his nerves, “with one or two exceptions,” he made a face, “which is to be expected.”

Wayne was still eyeing him speculatively but all he said was, “Oh?”

Jay sighed. “Have you ever met Dr. Jennifer Peterson?” Bruce made a noise of recognition and Jay laughed. “See!  I knew you’d know who I was talking about. Seems everybody hates her. Unfortunately she’s damned good at her job, and Lucius seems to think that it would be bad for morale if I just fired her because she pisses everybody off.  I’ve decided to send her to one of those corporate training seminars, where they teach people to play nice?  Maybe someone will drop her during a trust fall.”

Bruce laughed unexpectedly, causing him to spray the sip of water that he’d just taken across the table.

Jay grinned as he grabbed a couple of napkins from the holder on the table, noting the look of complete shock on Wayne’s face. “God Jay, I’m sorry.”  He said, looking mortified.

“Don’t worry about it.” He chuckled. “I’m glad to see that you like the idea.  But back to your original question, yes I love the job.  And how 'bout you, I’m sure you’ve had a chance to look over some of my work, are you happy with what I’m doing?”

“Ecstatic.”

Jay raised an eyebrow, Wayne didn’t sound ecstatic, he sounded like a man waiting for the other shoe to drop. “But?”

Wayne had the grace to look slightly embarrassed but he met Jay’s eye squarely when he said, “I thought I knew all of the talent in this industry.  You seem to have come out of nowhere.”

Jay nodded, “I switched fields kinda late in life.  I’m relatively new.”

 “Where did you start out?”

“I worked as security for a private firm, took me a while to realize there wasn’t a future in it.”  Jay returned blandly.

Wayne didn’t look entirely convinced; it looked like there would be more background searches in his future.  Bless M and her technical genius; this would have been impossible without her. Jay decided to steer the conversation toward safer waters.

"So did you enjoy you romp around the globe?"

"It was a good time.” Bruce nodded, leaning back in his seat. “I got to reconnect with Dick, we don't get to spend all that much time together anymore."

"You got to reconnect with… Dick.?" Jay repeated slowly, trying so very hard and no fully succeeding to keep the laugher out of his voice.

"My ward, Dick Grayson." Bruce replied sternly.

"Oh,” Jay cleared his throat to cover a laugh, “right, right."

"I know what you were thinking." Bruce said disapproval in his tone.

Jay, attempting to look the picture of innocence, blinked. "I, of course, have no idea what you're talking about."  God he was going to get himself fired, he tried to think Zen thoughts.

But unexpectedly Wayne smiled and winked at him, "Riiiight."

Jay snickered. "You know, you are nothing like what I had in mind."

"Yeah,” Wayne agreed “I get that a lot."

"I'll bet you do.” Jay returned as the waitress stopped by to top off their drinks and check on how they were doing, once she’d gone Jay asked, “So how are you finding the catching up?"

Wayne made a face. "It's taking longer that I'd like." His eyes took on a far-away look for a moment, and then he shook his head. "But I don't regret the time away. Speaking of which," He glanced back at his watch, "I should get going."

"Finish your food Wayne.”  Jay admonished “as a friend of mine is so fond of telling me the work's not going anywhere and God only knows when you’ll eat next.”  He pointed his fork at Wayne, “I know a fellow obsessive when I see one."

Wayne arched an eyebrow, "And do you ever listen to your friend?"

"No,” Jay had to admit, “But then you’re supposed to set a good example for us kiddies.”

Bruce frowned, “Have we met before?”  He asked suddenly and Jay felt his heart rate spike.

“No?” he replied, breathing through the panic, this wasn’t the first time this had happened, once he’d actually run into a thug who used to work for him.  But each time managed to rattle him.  “That’s why we’re having dinner remember?  So we could get to know each other?  No more all nighters for you.”  He said waggling a finger at Wayne.  Again the niggling feeling was back, he’d never expected Wayne to notice. 

“No, I mean before you came to work at Wayne Tech.”

Jay shrugged, trying for nonchalant.  “Pretty sure I haven’t.”  He smiled at Wayne, “I think I’d remember meeting Bruce Wayne after all.”  And here was the tricky bit, when M had first told him to do this, he’d thought she’d lost it, but weirdly it work.  “Why do you ask?”

Bruce frowned and then shook his head, “Nothing, just a feeling.  You might be right about the all-nighters.”

He still found it weird, but when pressed to say _why_ people felt like they knew him, they seemed to give up and change course.  Jay chuckled careful to keep it modulated like M had had him practice so many times.   Suddenly Jay’s phone buzzed, he glanced down and saw that his results were ready.  Nice timing.

“Oh, hey that’s me.”  He fished out his wallet and tossed a hundred dollar bill on the table, “Looks like my results are in.”

“Weren’t you just lecturing me about finishing my food?”  Wayne asked, standing as Jay did.

“Right, but _I_ don’t have to set a good example for anyone, that’s _your_ job.”

They headed back toward the building with Jay trying to watch Wayne without it looking like he was watching him.  Wayne seemed lost in thought, but didn’t seem on the verge of accusing Jay of being the Joker.  Taking a deep breath he tried to let it go.  Wayne was hardly going to start throwing accusations around and it’s not like there was anything to substantiate his speculations.

“Thanks for dinner;” Wayne said, seeming to come back to himself, as they hit the building entrance, “It’s not often that someone beats me to the check.”

Jay smiled in spite of himself, he bet that was true, “No problem.  It was good to meet you.”  Wayne nodded his agreement as Jay escaped the elevator for the safety of his office.  Once safely inside he allowed himself to collapse on his sofa and freak out silently for a few minutes.    

* * *

<<So I see that you’ve emerged from the Crisis mess more or less intact.>>

Oracle grinned, as the text flashed up on her screen.   She had been wondering when the Hacker would be back.

<<I did, >> she agreed, << and honestly I think a great deal of that has to do with you. Just about everyone I know lost files, I’m the only one who was fully operational from the start.>>

<<You get what you pay for.  I am sorry it’s taken me so long to get back in touch; I will of course pro-rate my fee.   I’ve run the usual checks, and I’ve sent the reports along, did you have anything else for me?>>

<<No, everything is running quite smoothly. But I might have a few friends interested in your services.>>

<<::laughs:: Well tell them to drop me a line and we’ll talk.  blkhle@hacker.net>>

<<Will do.>>

* * *

"I will dismantle you, and dip you piece by fucking piece into a vat of boiling acid!" Jay growled angrily as he thumped, unsuccessfully, on the front of the vending machine. "For the love of God, give me the food!"

"Problems?"

"Gah!" Jay yelped, spinning around.  “For fuck’s sake, learn to make noise will you!" Jay barked at a startled Bruce Wayne. "And yes. This," he waved at the vending machine, “this _thing_ refuses to give my food. It's just hanging there, taunting me. I don't have any more money and I don't have time to go anywhere and get something to eat and I'm starving." He thumped repeatedly on the machine again. " _GIVE_!"

"Jay." Bruce placed a soothing hand on his shoulder. "Here." He moved so that he was in front of and at an angle to the vending machine, shoved it up onto its back legs and then let it fall so that it thumped back down. The candy fell free and landed in the slot.

"Oh my God, I could kiss you." Jay grabbed the candy bar and ripped it open, turning back towards the lab with Bruce following him.

"So what are you working on?"

"The project that I pitched to Lucius," Jay replied around a mouthful of nougat. "We're in stage one. Thus far we've had about thirty-six failed attempts at stage one," he explained mournfully. "So I'm trying to figure out why."

Bruce shook his head. "Jay you've been here for three days, you need to go home."

Jay waved him off, eyes on the screen. "I'll go in a bit."

"Jay,"

Jay turned and looked at him. "I notice that you're still here."

"I'm on my way home right now."

"Where you will be doing no work whatsoever?"

"Yes."

"Liar."

Bruce blinked; he wasn't used to being called out by his employees. "But I will be at home where I will have access to food that has nutritional value far superior to that of-" he glanced at the wrapper "-a Payday."

"Never underestimate the value of a Payday."

Bruce sighed, pulling up a stool. "How long until the trial is over?"

"About two hours and twenty three minutes."

"Well then, stay here and I'll go get you something. What do you want?"

Jay smiled at him warmly. "Thanks. Um, anything really. Tacos?"

"Tacos it is, although I question their nutritional value. They may actually be a step down from the Payday."

"See I told you. Never underestimate the Payday."

*

Bruce headed out the door shaking his head; Jay was a piece of work. Lucius hadn't been kidding when he'd said the man was a machine. He glanced at his watch, he'd have to make this quick, he needed to get home and get back to the Cave. He waved Alfred over. "We're going on a quick errand. Head to the nearest taco joint."

"Taco joint, sir?" Alfred repeated, distaste obvious.

"Yes, I've got to pick something up for a friend."

"Very good, sir."

*

"Ah you're a life saver." Jay looked up at the smell of food

"Any change?"

"None whatsoever," he replied happily, the screen reflected in his glasses. "Hopefully we've worked all the kinks out this time." He munched happily. "Thanks for the tacos, boss man. So what do you have on docket for tonight?"

"Me? Oh you know, go home, read a good book. Head to bed."

Jay glanced at him obliquely. "Sounds thrilling, you crazy thing you."

He shrugged. "I like it."

"Hey whatever floats your boat. I'm not one to judge; I'll be spending my night cuddled up with a laptop."

"Jay about that-"

"Oh stop. I like what I'm doing. I'll head home after and, tell you what, I'll even come in late. Will that make you feel better?"

"No."

"Awwww. The corporate that cares."

Bruce rolled his eyes. "Just go home. Soon."

"Yes sir, Mr. Boss man, sir," Jay saluted him and Bruce rolled his eyes but couldn’t quite hide the smile that was playing around the edges of his lips.

* * *

“How is he?” Robin asked the question before he was even fully through the door.

“He’s fine, Rob. It was a minor fluctuation, nothing huge. It just means that I need to monitor him more closely for a couple of days. Calm down.”

Robin didn’t respond; he was going over the charts in Conner’s file. “Do we know what caused it?”

Jay looked at him over his glasses. “There was a slight drop in his O2 stats, and as we’re dealing with someone who is only half human I’m still trying to determine the reason for the drop. It was minor Rob, I promise. He’s fine.”

“I believe you, it’s just- we’re so close.”

“I know.” Jay patted him on the shoulder and Robin blinked; it was a paternal action, but he very much doubted that Jay had even noticed it. He was already moving away to look over the monitors beeping calmly in the semi-darkness of the warehouse. Robin took a moment to wonder at the fact that the man that was taking time out of life and away from his job to work on this project, this unassuming, bean pole of a man, with a crazy mop of curly dark hair and smudged glasses was the Joker. _The Joker_. He shook his head, sometimes he even forgot himself. It was so easy to do. They seemed to share nothing in common, beyond a bizarre sense of humor, and occasionally he would recognize a laugh as similar to that of the Joker’s, but that was it. He wondered, and he’d almost asked once, if Jay felt that he had changed all that much. If he’d noticed the changes and if he missed the man he had been.

“Earth to Rob.”

“Sorry, what?”

Jay cocked his head at him. “I said, maybe it’s a sunlight issue. Supes gets his juice from the sun, right? You sure you’re ok?”

“Yeah, just thinking. Could be. We should get some solar lamps in here. You might be right.”

Jay nodded, “Care to share?”

He hesitated and then shrugged. “I was thinking about you actually. Sometimes it’s hard to wrap my mind around the fact that you used to be the Joker. I was wondering if you feel that you’ve changed all that much. If you miss the way things were.”

Jay’s eyebrows rose. “Oh. Wow. That’s a question and half isn’t?” He sat down. “Is the answer going to upset you?”

“Are you planning to act on it?”

“No.”

“Then no.”

“Sometimes… I miss it, yeah. Life was- it was simpler when I was the Joker. My memory was little better than a sieve, mind you, I remembered no specific events. I played a game with Bats and you and all the other Batboys and girls but as for why,” he shrugged, “specifics were non-existent. How I lost my family, twice,” he sighed, “completely wiped out. I’d forgotten nearly everything. Even more recent events. I remembered the swan dive into the vat of acid but I didn’t remember anything before or after. Ignorance was bliss. Until it wasn’t.”  he shrugged, “Eventually I got tired enough of all the fucking holes.  And it’s not like Miriam forced this on me, she gave me a choice.”

Robin’s eyebrows shot up, “She did?”

Jay nodded, “yeah of course, M doesn’t do anything without somebody’s permission if she can help it.  I thought you knew that.”

Robin mulled that over, “I do, I guess I just didn’t realize that she was giving the inmates at Arkham a choice.”

“Yup.”  Jay replied, popping the ‘p,’ “As for changing? Honestly? When I wasn’t running around trying to off you lot, I was pretty much just like this.” He gave Robin a wicked smile that in spite of himself sent chills down Robin’s spine.  “I’ve got was M calls an ‘obsessive personally,’ I’ve just changed the focus.”

Robin mulled that over for a long moment.  Finally he said, “I’m sorry, about your family.”

“Thanks.” Jay changed subjects abruptly. “So do you want to pick up the solar lamps or do you want me to?”

Robin considered it. “It would be best if you do it, I’ll have a hard time explaining to Batman why I need them.”

Jay looked at him. “I have to ask. What the hell is it like working with him?”

Robin grinned. “It’s a fair question. He’s. . . very withdrawn. He doesn’t trust easily and when he does it’s grudgingly. He doesn’t like to admit that he needs anyone, even his partner. Which makes it hard to be the other half of the partnership.”

“I cannot image that he views you as an equal, Rob,” Jay remarked quietly.

“No, I don’t know that Batman believes that he has any equals. Superman, maybe.”

“Supes. Yeah, I could see that, light to his darkness. They’d make a cute couple.”

Robin blanched at the very thought and Jay doubled over with laughter.

Shades of Gray:  
Chapter Three

  
Jay was wandering the halls of Wayne Tech once again in search of food. More specifically for those little fruity things that tasted kinda like apple and strawberry but mostly just chemicals, were chewy, and got stuck in your teeth. He had already tried all the vending machines in his wing of the building and had graduated to higher levels. He wasn't sure how he'd gotten access but he had a sneaking suspension that he'd grabbed the all-access card that Miriam had hacked for her visits. Unfortunately he'd never been in this part of the building and he was quickly realizing that he was lost. He'd been denying the fact for several hallways now, seriously who got lost in a building for fuck's sake? But for whatever reason, he was, he realized as he passed a door with the same smudge on it for the second time, well and truly lost. He turned left this time at the T junction at the end of the hall instead of right.  He made his way past the rows and rows of locked and darkened offices until he heard a voice raised at the end of the hallway _. Oh thank God_ , he thought _they can tell me how to get the hell out of here._ He did wonder just how the hell he was going to explain exactly how he'd gotten here in the first place but he figured he burn that bridge when it got to it. As he drew closer he recognized the voice as Bruce Wayne's.

< . . .. don't care, I'm not authorizing you to build in an area that is home to endangered species and that's final.>

Jay heard the phone being viciously slammed down into its cradle, he stuck his head in the door. "Problems with the minions?"

Bruce's head whipped around. "What are you doing here!?" he barked, clearly startled.

Jay felt triumphant at the startled look on Wayne’s face. "Sucks doesn't it? That'll teach you to sneak up on people."

Bruce looked momentarily repentant, and then shook his head. "Jay, seriously, access to this floor is restricted. How on earth did you get up here?"

Jay pulled a face. "Um, I got lost?" Bruce raised an eyebrow and waited. "Look I dunno, my card worked. I guess it got swapped with somebody else's. I wandered down into the cafeteria the other day, I sat with a few of the guys and gals from up here – they all seem really keen by the way," he made a show of distaste, "and I could have picked up one of theirs by mistake.”  He shrugged, “Sorry."

Bruce sighed. "It happens. You didn't lose your card, did you?"

"I don't think so?”  Jay hazarded, “I can go check right now if, um, if you'll just show me how the hell to get out of here."

Bruce smiled. "You don't know how to get out? Just go back the way you came."

"Look don't rub it in ok? I mean really who gets lost in a fuc- a stupid building." He shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't know, it's like a damned maze or something up here. I've passed the same door like three times."

Bruce laughed. "Jay." He shook his head. "Never mind. Yes, I'll show you the way. Let's make sure you still have your card."

Bruce led Jay back to the elevator easily through the maze of corridors and hallways. While they waited for the elevator to come to a stop Bruce asked, "Let me see the card that you picked up."

Jay, who had been worried he might ask, sighed internally and handed it over; Bruce turned it over in his hands but gave no indication that anything was wrong. "And you picked it up in the cafeteria?"

"I think? Maybe? I dunno. If I've got something else on my mind then I'm not always that attentive."

Bruce smirked. "I've noticed."

"Thanks," Jay responded dryly. "Bruce, I really am sorry, I didn't mean to be on a floor where I wasn't meant to be. I just wanted something to eat."  Oh Miriam was so going to give him hell for this.

"Food again. It always seems to be food with you."

He shrugged. "Food's important. M is always telling me I don't eat enough."

Wayne looked him up and down and Jay snorted.  Wayne finally said, "I'd have to agree ‘M’. You need to stop eating out of vending machines."

Jay looked annoyed, "Their handy."

Wayne watched him for a moment, finally he said, "Don't worry about the keycard. I doubt you were up to anything too sinister."

"Not today at any rate.”  Jay agreed, “Then again, those little gummy things can be devilishly tricky."

" . . . gummy things."  Wayne asked, eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, they're these apple strawberry gummy fruit things; I've emptied the machines on my level. That's what I was hunting for."  

Wayne sighed and shook his head, he glanced at his watch and then back at Jay.  “Why don’t we grab some dinner."

"What now?"

Wayne nodded, "Consider it me setting a good example.”

Jay chuckled, “Yeah sure, we can go back to McCall's.  You'll be saving me from gummy things and endangered animals from your inept and apparently deaf minions.  Busy day for you."

Bruce scowled and shook his head, “I’m not sure which makes me angrier that they thought it would be fine to mine in an area with an endangered species in the first place or that I’d agree to it.”

"Most corporations don’t seem to care."  Jay pointed out as they descended to the ground floor.

"This one does."  Wayne replied firmly.

Jay shrugged; saving the furry critters of the world wasn’t really in his wheelhouse.  That was more up Ivy’s ally.  He wondered how she was doing and smirked to himself.  But he didn’t feel like antagonizing Wayne anymore than he already had so he didn’t comment. 

* * *  
   
Jay chattered all the way to McCall's, jumping over puddles from the rain the night before and Bruce was surprised to find himself smiling in spite of himself.  Surprisingly he found himself enjoying Jay’s company.   After everything that had happened with the League, he realized now how isolated he had made himself, how obsessed and distant he had become. Alfred's words kept echoing back to him: "The only thing your father was ever afraid of was being alone. Thankfully he had your mother." Bruce didn't have his mother. He didn't have anybody. He _was_ alone. Oh, he had Tim and Dick, and even Alfred, in theory. But he didn't let them in, any of them, not in any way that counted. And he knew that they knew that he didn't. He liked to think that it made him stronger, better; because ultimately, when things went wrong, he didn't expect anyone to back him up. He had to be enough.  But at the same time did self-reliance need to mean isolation?

Once inside they got the same booth in the back and gave their orders to the same tired looking waitress. As they waited Jay broke the silence that Bruce hadn't even noticed had formed.

"Care to share?"

It was said softly, not in the usual flippant tone that Jay tended to employ and behind it was the promise of real concern. Bruce shook his head, "It's . . . complicated."

Jay nodded without saying anything, giving Bruce room to talk. Bruce knew the trick well; you waited for the other person to become uncomfortable with the silence, to start speaking to fill in the void. 

Bruce let the silence hang for a moment longer and then roused himself to ask, "So how's work going?"

The corners of Jay's mouth twitched up into a smile. "Fine. We still haven't made it past stage one. It finally crashed and burned in the last twenty minutes of the trial."

"I'm sorry. Do you know what when wrong?"

Jay sighed. "No. I'll get there. Eventually."

"I have no doubt."

Jay blinked, looking surprised at the compliment. "Thank you."

Bruce wondered not for the first time about Jay O'Connell. The man checked out clean, minor incidents when he was younger but nothing serious, but his mannerism and his actions didn't fit with the profile that was listed in the computer files. Before him sat a complex and ever so slightly disturbed personality. He was obviously intelligent, more so than his record allowed for, genius such as this should have shown through at an early age. His social skills were negligible yet it seemed, if he was to be believed, to have at least one very close relationship. If Bruce had to make a guess he'd say trauma at a young age, with some type of intervention and a steadying hand. He'd need more information for anything more conclusive. But the real question was how he could have created such a flawless all-encompassing representation in the systems. Bruce thought again about the keycard. A card that could give you access to any floor in the building. No such card existed within Wayne Tech. Which provided three options: one, that Jay was a hacker of no small caliber, two that he knew a hacker of no small caliber or, three, that he had, in fact, picked it up from one of the hackers at Wayne Tech. Without the discrepancies between his behavior and his file Bruce would have been willing to bet the third option. But as it stood he couldn’t be sure and Bruce hated mysteries. Especially so close to home.  
   
* * *  
   
Miriam was leafing through a book the size of his head as Robin took a seat at one of the monitors. He waited until she looked up. "How long until you can start?"

She shook her head. "I want to wait until Jay gets here, I don't want to explain everything twice."

He nodded, looking over at the tube that held the now fully formed body of Superboy. His heart thumped excitedly. They'd done it. Well, to be fair, Jay had done it. He tried to calm himself, but couldn't. He was going to get Conner back. After everything, after all the loss, he was going to get something back. One out of the many but it was something; one more than most people ever got back.

Robin glanced up as the door banged open and Jay hurried in shaking water off himself and his trench coat. The coat and the hat that he was vigorously flapping at the floor were eerily reminiscent in style of those that he used to wear as the Joker, and it caused Robin to pause for a moment, these days Robin rarely ever thought of Jay as the Joker, but just now he could see it easily even with the talisman he wore hiding his true coloration.  It was more in how he held himself, Robin speculated, the ratcheted down tension masked by a fluidity of movement that at any moment might explode into violence. Robin could hear him muttering to himself as he cursed the rain and its maker. And that _sounded_ like the Joker.  Before he could say anything Miriam raised her head and grinned.

"He's not that bad."  Miriam chided Jay as he strode toward them.

"Who's not?" Jay checked his stride, glancing around.

"Abellio."

"Who the hell is Abellio?" Jay almost growled.

Robin glanced at Miriam in concern, worried that something might be seriously off but the look on Miriam's face indicated that this was perfectly normal so Robin took his cue from her and kept quiet.  
   
"He's the God of Rain."

"Oh, for the love of- fine then tell him to knock this shit off wouldya, I practically had to swim here."

"I’ll put a note in his suggestion box shall I," she returned dryly.

"Guys?" Robin interrupted.

They both started, seeming to have forgotten that he was even there.   They exchanged sheepish grins and in that moment the Joker was banished and he was Jay again.  Robin almost felt dizzy from the sudden release of tension.  
   
"Sorry," Miriam apologized. To him or Jay he couldn't be sure. "Ok." She closed the book with a thump. "Have a seat Jay. I've looked back through everything. The ritual can take up to three weeks time. You are so bloody lucky I don't need to sleep otherwise this would never work." She glared at Robin but there was no heat in it. "Now as I understand it, when we take him out of there," she indicated the tube, "he will be fully functional?" Jay nodded, a frown marring his features. "He will simply lack a soul. Now because he's Superboy, if it comes down to it, could he survive for three weeks without food?" She looked at Robin

"He should be able to but I'll double-check my files. If he can't, we'll have a problem because we won't be able to feed him intravenously."

"No, no if he needs to, he'll feed off me," Miriam said absently as she made a mark in her journal.

"He'll what?" Jay and Robin demanded.

"He'll feed off me, the spell allows for it. It'll just make it tougher for me." She raised a hand to forestall Jay. "I'll be fine."

He made a face, clearly not happy. "M, isn't there some way that you could, I don't know, do it in stages or something?"

"No Jay, I can't stop in the middle of a hunt for someone's soul and take a breather. It'll be ok."

"Honestly?" Jay demanded fiercely and Robin winced, because if Jay thought that this was going to endanger Miriam then things were about to get very, very difficult.

"You know perfectly well that I can't lie to you, you'd feel it this close. I will be fine. I'll be tired, but I'll be fine. I don't expect it to take the whole three weeks but I under-prepared last time. I like to learn from my mistakes."

Robin frowned. "I'm sorry, what do you mean he'd ‘feel it this close?’"

Miriam looked at Jay and raised her eyebrows at him; he took of his glasses and made a show of cleaning them, as he squinted in Robin's general direction. "Miriam and I, because of her healing me, we're linked. I can feel what she feels; she can feel what I feel. To an extent. And she's not lying. She really believes that she will be fine. But that doesn't mean that she _will_ be, that just means that she _thinks_ she will." He put his glasses back on and glared at her.

"Jay it's not difficult, it’s just time consuming. The spells to seal him back in the body can be draining, especially if it has taken a great deal of time to locate the soul, but the warnings were given for humans. Frankly, they don't apply to me."

"Miriam," Robin intervened hesitantly, "you were pretty beat up after you healed Jay. I was there remember."

"Ah." She held up a finger. "But that was different, I was actually having to rebuild someone's brain which, even according to this book," she patted it affectionately, "can't be done by a single individual."

"I'm sorry?"

"According to my people what I did is impossible.  It would take a group of mages working in tandem. Course a lot of what I do is considered impossible." She shrugged

"That's nice," Jay said tartly. "Getting back to the mistake at hand. Miriam what happens if something goes wrong?"

She sighed. "If something goes wrong I could get stuck in limbo. Basically my body will be here but my mind will be there. It's not going to happen."

"But it might."

"Yes Jay, but I also might get hit by a car crossing the street tomorrow." She stood up and wrapped her arms around him and said softly. "I'm not going to leave you. I'm coming back. But we started this and we're going to finish it."

He looked down at her glumly and nodded. She gave him a brilliant smile. "I'll be ok. You'll see. Trust me." She looked back at Robin. "Ok, all we need now is Raven."

"Raven? Why?"

"Because she's touched his soul, silly, I've got to have something to hunt for. I can't just go in blind."

Robin rubbed the back of his neck. "Raven is kinda MIA at the moment, isn't there anything else that you can use?"

Miriam glowered at him. "You might have mentioned."

"Well, you didn't tell me you were going to need her!"

"Of course I did,” Miriam argued, “How could I possible locate the soul of someone I’ve never met.  I need Raven so that I can read _her_ mind and glean the essence of what I’m looking for.  I told you this…”Miriam trailed off, watching Robin shake his head, “Oh, no, now I think on it, I never did, did I.”  Miriam paused, “Well, damn.  In my defense I did _think_ about needing to talk to you about about it.”

“Will it still work?”  Robin asked anxiously.

“Uh,” Miriam hedged, licking her lips, “Well, there is an alternative option; this one is going to be up to you T-Robin." She gave him an apologetic look; he just rolled his eyes and gestured for her to continue while Jay studiously pretended that he hadn't heard anything. "I'll need to go into your head, really deeply into your head." She groped for the words. "Goddess your language is horrible for this! Ok, I'll sort of become you but not, I'll be aware of what you are and were aware of, we won't be bonded like Jay and I are, but if you were close enough to Conner and I think you were, then I'll be able, using your dormant sense to pick up his frequency. Now did any of that make sense?"

Robin shook his head, and Miriam sighed explosively and turned to Jay. "Jay could you give us a moment?"

"Where am I supposed to go M? It’s pissing rain out there!"

"Just go into the little room over there."

"That's an office M."

"Yeah that— just go over there for a bit."

Jay eyed her askance, "It's hardly soundproof M."

Miriam frowned, “Right.”  She looked at Robin who shrugged helplessly.  She brightened suddenly, “Oh hey, this might work.  Jay can you read lips?"

"What? No." Jay looked totally confused by the non sequitur.

"Ok, good." Miriam concentrated for a moment there was a brief flash of light and then nothing. Miriam turned to Jay and asked, "Can you hear me?"

Jay blinked and then shook his head. Miriam turned back to Robin grinning. "Sound bubble, the elders thought them up because we kept eavesdropping. Anyway, explanation, this time not in code. Tim I need to know, right now, how did you feel about Conner?"

"I—He— he was my best friend. I would have done anything for him. I would have died for him."

"Did you love him?"

Robin froze. "Do you mean as a friend?"

Miriam rubbed her temples. "Goddess help me, Tim. Tim, this is me, Miriam, the girl who sleeps with anything that moves. I'm not here to judge, I just need to know if you were in love with him or not."

"Why?" Robin asked warily.

"Because if you were, then I'll be able to use you to find him, if you weren't then we're gonna need to go hunt up Raven."

"I'm . . .I don't know."

"I think you do," Miriam replied gently but didn't push it. "What I'm going to do is go into your head, there is no possibility for damage, the only danger is that I'll be seeing a great deal of very personal information.  What I’m looking for is a frequency; you remember how when I met you as Robin for the first time I knew it was you?”

“You said you could see an aura.”

“Yes, well so can you.  Technically all people can, but they just can’t process it.  Most auras don’t register for long periods of time but those of the people we love tend to linger.   I will see if I can’t find the aura in your mind and then I’ll use that to home in on Conner.  If I can't find what I need then we'll say no more and go look for Raven. Like I said, it's up to you."

Robin didn't hesitate. "Do it."

"Tim, I'll have no control over what I see-"

"I don't care." He gave her small smile. "There isn't much I haven't told you anyway."

She hugged him. "Ok, this will take a little while."

  
* * *  
Bruce had been over every inch of every record pertaining to Jay O’Connell that he could find. They were spotless. He’d put in calls to all of the institutions that he had attended and the previous job that he had held. The institutions all had him on file and his former employer for the last year and a half could not say enough nice things about him. Presumably prior to the time when he had entered the job market he had been engaged in his private security work that he’d mentioned before then perusing several doctorates.   Bruce had tried to contact Jay’s former professors but most were unreachable. That in itself was suspicious. The number of Jay’s former professors that had retired, transferred to unknown locations, or moved out of the country was staggering. If viewed all together it looked like a well-orchestrated attempted to block any attempts at verbal confirmation of Jay’s qualifications. Bruce drummed his fingers on the console in irritation. It was too perfect. But he wasn’t going to find anything looking through the records, whether it was Jay himself or more likely a well paid hacker, Jay’s trail had been too thoroughly erased to be recovered without first knowing where to start. For that he’d need to go to a more direct source of information.  
   
*  
   
Intending to confront Jay and get some strait answers, Bruce found himself derailed when he found Jay frowning into space, seated in front of his laptop in the lab. The expression was so far from his usual cheerful one that, in spite of himself, Bruce was immediately worried. “Jay?”  
   
“What?”  Jay answered, distractedly, “Oh, hi Bruce,” he replied distantly.  
   
Bruce’s concern intensified. “Jay, what’s wrong?”  
   
“Hmmm? Oh nothing’s wrong with the experiment, sorry, the test are running right on schedule.”  
   
“That’s not what I meant.”  
   
Jay cocked his head at him, a shadow of a smile on his face. “It’s complicated.”  
   
“Ah.” Bruce felt an unaccustomed pang of frustration at being shut out. “How about dinner then? Take your mind off it?”  
   
Jay turned and gazed at the laptop for a moment and then shook himself and turned back to Bruce and nodded. “I think that might be a good idea.” He sighed. “I’m not getting much done here I’m afraid.”  
   
The walk over to McCall’s was made in unusual silence.  Bruce noticed, but he was busy arguing with himself the entire time about whether or not to get involved.   Despite his suspicions about Jay, the man hadn’t actually done anything wrong—well, that he knew of, in his experience most people had done something wrong at some point.  And while the detective in him wanted to push, people being easier to crack when they were emotionally vulnerable, he suddenly found that line of thinking distasteful, which in and of itself was unsettling, what was even more unsettling was that he found himself uncharacteristically wanting to help.  
   
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” he asked finally, after they’d given their drink orders to the waitress and Jay had ordered a double shot of whiskey.  
   
Jay eyed him for a long moment, and just when Bruce thought he was going to have to ask again, Jay said.  “A friend of mine is taking a risk to help another friend, and there’s a chance it could have really serious repercussions,  and I can’t decided which is worse, that I tried to talk her out of helping a friend, or if I didn’t try hard enough.”  
   
Bruce nodded; god but he knew that feeling. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Jay took another slug of his drink, “No,” he said softly, “But thank you for asking.”

“I don’t have many friends,” Jay said after a long silence, “I—I’ve never really been good at it,” he shook his head, “The idea that I might lose her…”

“Do you love her?”  Bruce guessed.

Jay nodded, “I do, but not how you mean, she’s pretty much the only family I’ve got left.”

Bruce felt his gut tighten, “My butler thinks I keep people at a distance.”  He offered, and then wondered at himself for doing so.  
   
Jay gave him a look, “Don’t you?”  
   
Bruce shrugged, “It’s how I choose to live my life.”  
   
“It’s a shitty a way to live.”  
   
Bruce was slightly taken aback at the bluntness of the statement. Too used to people walking on eggshells around him he supposed. “For you, maybe,” he countered after a moment.  
   
“For anyone.” Jay scrutinized the glass in his hand. “I was married once.”  He said distantly, “I screwed that up too, she tried to talk me out of doing something stupid and I didn’t listen.   It cost her her life.  And for the next fifteen years I didn’t… I couldn’t…I wouldn’t let anyone get close. I’m… I’m still not very good at it.”  He smiled wryly down at his glass, “But I _am_ trying.  And weirdly I’ve already noticed a difference. Things feel”  he groped for a word, “better, no,” he shook his head, “That’s not the right word, things are, sharper, more in focus, like I’m actually here rather than just passing through.” He smiled sadly. “I’m sorry about your parents Bruce, I know that must have colored your whole life.  Made trusting difficult, made it easier to keep people at a distance.  Trust me I get it.” he glanced up and met Bruce’s eyes, Bruce found himself unable to speak, looking back at eyes that held a depth of pain that he wasn’t sure even he could match. “But,”  Jay said roughly, “at least I had Jeannie for a little while… so-” he coughed, “-so at least now I can look back and think, it was worth it once  . . . and even now, knowing what would happen, if you gave me the choice, I’d choose her again.” His eyes were overly bright with unshed tears, and he tilted his head back and blinked rapidly to keep them from falling. “People make life worth living, Bruce, trust me on this one. Otherwise you’re already dead – no matter what you do to keep the darkness at bay, it's still there inside you.”  
   
Bruce was quiet for a very long time as Jay sipped at his drink and stared at the ceiling. He was very suddenly reminded of his own life, of long nights spent in the Cave, of a life made up of endless patrols of the city. Alfred’s words once again came back to him and he wondered if there couldn’t be some truth to what they were all saying.  
   
“I believe that I’m stronger if I don’t let people in my life, safer,” Bruce replied staring blindly into the past. “If I don’t need to rely on anyone, if I know myself to be strong enough to depend solely on myself, then I won’t feel betrayed when they aren’t there for me because I don’t need them.”  
   
“Why do you assume that they won’t be there for you?”  
   
Bruce shrugged minutely ignoring the echoes of the screams in his head. “Sometimes they were made unable by outside forces.  Sometimes they chose something or someone else. The reasons are irrelevant. Ultimately we are all alone. It is best to face that here and now, accept it and move on with our lives.”  
   
“But have you moved on?” Jay mused quietly into his drink. “Personally? I don’t think you have. If you feel a sense of betrayal when someone fails to show up when you need them, then you really haven’t accepted the ideas that you’ve just proposed. It pisses you off that you can’t depend on people – that when you put your trust in people, the fuckers go and fail you. And that’s ok,” Jay added, “you’re allowed to feel that way when it happens.   But you shouldn’t disqualify _everyone_ for _all time_ based on the actions of a few. Granted it can always happen again, which is why I’m here nursing a double,” he waved the glass at Bruce, “instead of in my laboratory where I should be, but there is also the chance that it won’t.”  
   
Bruce raised an eyebrow at him. “And why are you here exactly?”  
   
Jay looked irritated, “I thought we already covered that.  A friend of mine is about to take a very stupid risk that I’ve made possible.” He glared angrily at the drink in his hand and downed the rest signaling for the waitress to bring him another. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. So you honestly believe that no one can be trusted?  _No one_? 

“It’s safer that way.”  Bruce replied, his tone taking on a defensive edge.  “People are rarely what you think they are.”

Jay snorted derisively, his words taking on a slight slur, “Not _everyone_ is out to get you Wayne.”

“I think you’ve had enough,” Bruce said, but Jay grabbed up the drink that the waitress put down in front of him.  “So,” Jay continued after downing the drink and signaling for another, “So, if you were to confide something in someone, say me for example, your automatic assumption is that I will go and, what, sell it to the first tabloid I come across?”  
   
Bruce frowned at the drink that the waitress put down in front of Jay and then looked back up at him. “Trust must be earned.   I don’t know you Jay. Why should I trust you? I’ve been all over your files. I’ve never seen any mention of a wife. You were up on a level with a keycard that shouldn’t even exist. I’ve got no reason to trust you and every reason not to.”  
   
Jay just stared at him. “Fucking hell it must suck to be you.”  He said after a moment, “I was looking for _food_ and got lost. And what the fuck were you doing in my files, Wayne?” The last was said as a growl.  
   
“I’m your employer.”  Bruce sniffed, “I have a right to—

 “The fuck you do, if it bothers you so damn much then fire me.”  
   
“I’m not going to fire you; I’ve got no reason to _fire_ you. But I’m certainly not going to _confide_ in you either.”  
   
Jay smiled nastily. “And that’s it is it? So easy to just push people away, you’ve had so much practice at it. What the fuck were you doing in my files?”  He asked again, “That’s breach of privacy, Wayne. You can’t traipse around in other peoples’ lives just because you hate your own.”  
   
“What are you hiding?” Bruce shot back. “Who are you really?”  
   
“I’m Jay O’Connell, you ass, and before that if you really fucking have to know, I was Jack fucking Napier!” Jay was shouting now and the few other patrons in the bar had turned around to stare at the normally quiet couple. “You aren’t the only one who’s had it rough, ok? You aren’t the only one who’s had their parents murdered, you self righteous sonuvabitch!” Jay spat, “My father was gunned down in his study while I was right outside! He was shot by his own goddamned brother, who then raped my mother to death and set my house on fucking fire, and to top it all off _they put me in his custody_.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Jay sneered at the wrecked look on Bruce’s face, “the man who killed the only two people in this world that gave a shit about me and they gave me to him.  And that’s who raised me.  I got to grow up listening to him crack jokes to his buddies about how much my mom screamed while he rapped her to death.  About how my dad begged for my life before he shot him.  _I_ didn’t have a billion dollar trust fund and a fucking _butler_ to fall back on.”

Jay’s eyes narrowed, “He starved me, beat me half to fucking death and then just when I’d finally managed to claw my way out, to try and do something decent with my life?  I let him drag me back in and _he killed Jeannie_. Are you fucking happy now you sadistic fuck?  Mystery solved!!”  He slammed the empty glass down, threw a handful of bills on the table and then stormed out of the restaurant.

Bruce felt like he’d been punched in the gut. He just sat there staring at the wall until the waitress returned and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.  
   
“You go after him honey,” she encouraged him. “There’s nothing that an apology can’t mend. Go on now,” she urged.  
   
He looked at her blankly for a moment and then leapt after Jay.  
   
“Jay!”  
   
Jay didn’t slow his stride; he was heading for the parking lot at Wayne Tech.  
   
“Damn it! Jay!” Bruce caught up with him easily; he spun him around to see tears in his eyes. Jay ripped his arm out of Bruce’s limp grasp and sneered at him, “What, round two? You want my fingerprints? The name of my shrink? ” He spun around, over balanced and would have fallen if Bruce hadn’t caught him.

 “Jay, no, _I’m sorry_. I didn’t mean . . .”  
   
“You didn’t mean what, Bruce?”  Jay spat, shoving at him and nearly losing his own balance in the process, “You didn’t mean to invade my privacy? Something that I’ve had precious little of my whole damned life? You didn’t mean to violate _my_ trust? You couldn’t just, I don’t know, _ask me_? You had to go digging in my files?”  
   
“Would you have told me?” Bruce asked quietly.  
   
Jay’s mouth dropped open, “Really?!” He screeched, “That’s what you’re going with?  My god you _are_ an entitled little fucker.  How is _any of this_ your god-damned business?!”  
   
Bruce flinched and held up his hand pleadingly. “Jay, please. You’re right and I’m sorry. I am… I know what it’s like to have your privacy violated. I-” he shook his head, “I wasn’t thinking. Please, believe me, I won’t do it again. I am _so_ sorry."  
   
Jay looked up at him with fear and anger and self-revulsion clear in his eyes, “you _really_ need to work on your people skills,” Jay whispered hoarsely, right before leaning over and vomiting all over the concrete.   Bruce caught him again before he collapsed, holding him carefully.

“Uhg,” Jay moaned, swaying slightly. “Would’ve served you right ifI’d thrown up all over your three thousand dollar shoes,” he slurred.  
   
“God, Jay I’m so sorry.”  Bruce said miserably, “Come on,” he said, gently steering Jay toward the parking lot, “We need to get you home.”  
   
Jay shook his head against Bruce’s chest, “couch,” he mumbled, “office.”  
   
“Don’t be ridiculous, I can give you a ride home.”  
   
Bruce piled Jay into the passenger seat of his own car, managing to drag the address out of him before he passed out. It wasn’t far, an older complex in Gotham Central. As he drove Bruce indulged in a champion level bout of self recrimination; he _had_ to stop thinking of everything as a case.  _All_ people kept secrets, he admonished himself angrily, it didn’t mean they were automatically criminal in nature. He glanced over at Jay’s recumbent form and sighed tiredly.  He’d be lucky if he got out of this without losing one of the best employees that Wayne Tech had ever had.  He thought again of the look of pain and anger and despair on Jay’s face as he’d recounted how his parents had died.  Bruce shivered.  The murder of his own parents had been horrible, but if nothing else could be said about it, at least it had been quick and impersonal.  He wasn’t sure what he would have done had their positions been reversed.  Probably, Bruce allowed, burry it in the deepest, darkest hole he could find and run away as far and as fast and he could, which was _precisely_ what Jay had done.  Until Bruce had come along, demanding answers.   And while, yes, an argument _could_ be made that as his employer Bruce had a right to know, that argument sounded hollow and petty even in the privacy of his own skull.  That wasn’t the kind of employer that Bruce _ever_ wanted to be.

He pulled into the underground parking deck, automatically memorizing the layout and noting the number of exits.  The building was fairly well kept, but on Jay’s salary he could have certainly afforded nicer. Bruce half carried, half dragged Jay up several flights of stairs, automatically eschewing the elevator out of long habit.  At the door to Jay’s apartment Bruce dug the keys out of Jay’s pocket and let them in. The apartment itself was neat, if sparse. There was little in the way of furniture: a couch and a couple of chairs. There were no pictures on the walls, no decoration at all. The kitchen, however, was the exception to this general rule. Enormous and clearly well stocked, it spoke of love and dedication. Pot and pans – expensive by the look of them – hung from underneath almost every inch of the cabinets that lined the ceiling; racks of spices were neatly displayed on the center island. Alfred himself couldn’t have stocked a kitchen better. Bruce raised an eyebrow, surprised at this unexpected detail.  
   
After one last look, he headed towards what he thought must be the bedroom, but found the door locked. Moving further into the apartment he tried another. This room proved to be the correct one. There was a king-sized bed that dominated most of the room, the mattress was ridiculously soft and Bruce feared the Jay would be swallowed whole as he laid him down on it. He deliberated over undressing him, but Bruce knew from past experience that sleep in your clothes was never comfortable.  He undressed Jay quickly and methodically, leaving him in smiley face boxers, which brought a similar smile to Bruce’s face, and a strange necklace. Just as he was about to head for the door Jay reached out a hand and caught his wrist.  
   
“Stay.”  
   
It was one word, it had a million meanings.  Bruce swallowed, “I’ll bunk on the couch,” he offered, looking down at Jay’s tired and frightened eyes.  Jay shook his head, “Stay?”  He tugged feebly on the arm in his grasp.  Bruce found that he couldn’t say no. He’d done this to him, at the moment he would do almost anything to help ease the guilt gnawing at his gut. Or at least that was what he told himself as he stripped and got into bed with him.  
   
Just as he thought that Jay had drifted off again he heard, very quietly, “Thank you.”  
   
Bruce wasn’t sure what had woken him. He glanced at the clock on the side table – 4:30 am – he hesitated, it was probably time that he was on his way. Just as he was rolling over to slip out of the bed he heard it again, a faint whimpering sound coming from Jay. He rolled back over and laid a hand gently on Jay’s arm who then sat bolt upright in bed with a strangled cry.  
   
“Jay?”  
   
Jay’s head whipped around as he shouted incoherently, scrambling backward.

“Jay,” he tried to sooth, “Jay it’s me, Bruce.  You were drunk and I took you home.  We’re at your home now.  You’re safe.”

Jay paused mid scramble and squinted at him, his chest heaving. “Oh, God.” He sagged back against the bed, hands feeling for his glasses. “Oh, Jesus.  S orry.” He closed his eyes.  
   
“Are you ok?” Bruce asked anxiously, suddenly aware that climbing into bed with his employee not eight hours after said employee accused Bruce of violating his privacy _might_ not have been the best idea, good intension notwithstanding. “Do you want me to go?”   He offered, trying to keep his tone as soothing as possible.  
   
Jay drew a long breath in through his nose and then let it out slowly as he cracked his eyes open and looked at him. “Bruce, it’s like-” he put his glasses on and glanced at the clock, “—four thirty in the damn morning.  _No_ I don’t want you to go, you loon. I’m fine.” He ran a not quite steady hand through his curls. “It was just-” He shook his head. “Old dreams,” he flapped his hand, banishing it, “bad stuff.  Let’s just say our little chat didn’t do my liver _or_ my subconscious any favors and leave it at that, shall we?” 

He seemed to suddenly register for the first time that he was, in fact, in bed with Bruce.   “Ah.”  He said, seeming to have suddenly run out of word. “So…this is awkward?”  He offered, his eyes not quite finding Bruce’s. “Thank you, for, um, you know, staying.” He said, a blush starting to stain his cheeks, “This very probably is _not_ in your job description.”

Bruce tried to catch his eye, “It’s not a problem,” he assured him, “I was planning to stay anyway—on the couch I mean,” Bruce clarified as Jay’s eyes jerked towards his and then away again, “I wanted to make sure you were alright. It was my fault after all.”

“Not entirely,” Jay allowed, still not meeting Bruce’s eyes, but the blush was starting to recede a bit, “But yeah, you fucked up pretty bad. Still this is kinda above and beyond?”  Jay questioned, watching Bruce out of the corner of his eye.   

“I wanted to make sure you were ok.”  Bruce repeated firmly, “Although it’s probably best if I go on my way,” Bruce said as he started gathering himself to move toward the edge of the bed, “you sure you’re feeling ok?”

Jay snorted, “‘ok’ is relative at the moment, but I’m not in danger of suffocating on my own vomit if that’s what you’re asking.”

Bruce chuckled, “Good to know.  So,” he hesitated, glancing back at Jay, “I’ll see you at work tomorrow?”

Jay regarded him for a long moment, “I don’t know,” he said finally, and Bruce felt his stomach drop, “we’ll have to see how you feel after I do this.”  Jay slid over and kissed him.  
   
Bruce, for one of the few times in his life, was caught completely by surprise. Jay tasted of whisky and fear and lust.  This kiss was hurried and unsure, but it lit up something in Bruce that he’d never felt before.  But it was over almost before he could truly understand what was going on.

Jay broke the kiss and licked his lips nervously, “so, how bout it boss?  Still on the pay roll?”  
   
Bruce blinked, “You kissed me.”  He said, stupidly.  He could almost _hear_ Ollie in the back of his mind asking snidely ‘so you’re the world’s greatest detective huh?’

“Noticed that did you?”  Jay asked dryly, but Bruce could tell he was nervous by the way he was fidgeting with the edge of the blanket.  “I figure this is probably the best time to give it a shot,” he added stiffly.

“But you were married.”  Bruce said, his mouth more or less on auto pilot as his brain churned through the implications and possibilities of a single kiss. 

Jay nodded, “Yup.”

“So…you like women _and_ men?”

Jay narrowed his eyes, “Did I break you?  You’re usually quicker on the up take than this.”

“I—but…”  Bruce’s brain seemed to have stalled out.   Given how much he relied on it and his instincts to keep him alive on a day to day basis it was an unpleasant feeling, “ _why_?”

“Well we’re in bed,” Jay pointed out reasonably, “we’re mostly naked, seemed like the thing to do.  Course it’s possible that I misread that one, but in my defense you did—“

Bruce didn’t let him finished, moving on instinct and the sudden desire singing in his blood, he pulled Jay back and kissed him again.  Just like the fist kiss it lit him up, distantly he heard himself gasp at the sensation but he was too busy trying to memorize the feel of Jay’s lips on his to take much notice.  It was so _different_ from what he was used to.  It felt…good.  Right.   Without conscious thought he pulled Jay further toward him, desperate for more contact. Jay went willingly and ended up straddling his lap.  He could feel Jay’s cock pressing against him, it was hard and it felt amazingly, if surprisingly fantastic.

This time he broke the kiss, “I- I have no idea what I’m doing,” he confessed nervously.  
   
Jay was tentatively running his hands over Bruce’s shoulders along his neck and up into his hair. “Well- we don’t _have_ to do anything if you don’t want to?”  
   
Bruce found his eyes slipping shut as Jay continued to run his hands over his chest and through his hair. His own hands, almost of their own volition, started to explore the wiry body on top of him. It was… magnificent. It felt so different than a woman’s: hard and strong, plains and angles rather than curves. He brushed his hand over Jay’s chest and down his forearms, marveling at the ropy muscles there. To his surprise he felt himself responding, getting hard; he could see that Jay felt it as well. Jay grinned at him before burying his face in Bruce’s shoulder, which caused him to shift, bringing them into contact through the cloth of their boxers. Jay hissed sharply and Bruce’s breath caught in his throat. Bruce realized belatedly that Jay was waiting for him to answer,  
   
“Oh, I-” He broke off to moan as Jay shifted again, this time on purpose. “ _More_.”  
   
Jay nodded against his shoulder, clearly gaining confidence, finding a rhythm and continued to shift. Bruce found himself moving with him.  
   
“ _Fuck_ ,” Jay ground out against his shoulder. “Oh _God_ , that’s good.”  
   
Bruce gripped him so tightly there might be busies tomorrow, but still needing more contact, he couldn’t seem to get enough, desperately wishing their clothes out of the way. Distantly, the detective in his head was screaming at him that this was _not what he did_.   That he had work to do, and didn’t have time for such dalliances, or the connections that might form from them.   The other part of him, that small part that he normally kept tightly guarded said, Yeah, but it _should_ be. He slid his hands down into the band of Jay’s boxers.  
   
“Jay?”  
   
Jay nodded wordlessly, lifting his hips to help him. As his boxers slid off, his cock thumped gently against Bruce’s stomach and Bruce gasped at the skin-to-skin contact.  
   
“Bruce?” Jay asked in a breathy whisper. Bruce cupped the side of his face and Jay shivered. “Touch me?”  
   
Bruce’s hand slid over the silky skin.   Jay threw his head back and groaned, thrusting into his hand and Bruce’s cock jumped. Jay leaned forward, a small smile on his face, and kissed him again. It was hot and passionate and demanding and Bruce felt it was- he didn’t know what, but if he could stay in this one moment then he might. He suddenly felt fingertips on the band of his boxers. “Bruce?”  
   
Bruce nodded, but he was momentarily defeated because he didn’t want to take his hands away from Jay’s body even long enough to hoist himself up so that Jay could get his boxers off.  Jay seemed to realize his dilemma and smiled. It was breathtaking.  Bruce kissed him again, hard, only to break it off and moan as Jay brushed his fingers over the tip of his cock.  
   
Bruce’s body was a machine.  He had honed it as such.  It was programmed to do and act just as he intended and as such his control was absolute.  He had faced down the entire criminal populace of Gotham; he had survived two Crises of Infinite Earths and countless incidents with Darkseid and the Joker among others. But he was completely undone by the wiry man astride him. His hips bucked and he groaned, loudly. He even suffered the sacrifice of taking his hands away from Jay’s body long enough to rip his boxers off, and then thrust himself back in Jay’s hands. He should have been embarrassed; his lack of control was mortifying, and later, he knew, he would be, but Jay didn’t mock him. He ran his hand gently up and down his length until he found his rhythm.  
   
“Fast or slow?”  
   
His eyes closed as he leaned back against the pillows. “Fast.”  
   
“Hard or soft.” The voice was gentle, almost reverent.

“H-hard.”  
   
It was perfect. He had never been this intimate with anyone.  Oh, he’d been with women, but it had always been perfunctory. It had never felt this amazingly good.  This right.  They had been there because of who he was; they had seen his title and his money and perhaps his good looks.  They helped maintain his reputation.  He didn’t know why Jay was here or rather why Jay wanted him here.  But he knew it was for none of those reasons.  Pleasure hummed through him, the muscles in his thighs and in his legs tightened and he could feel himself getting close.  He didn’t want to.  He wanted to make this last as long as possible; he concentrated, trying to hold off his climax.  
   
“Don’t,” Jay admonished  
   
“Don’t want it to stop,” Bruce nearly whined. Oh yes, very embarrassed  
   
Jay kissed him, his other hand playing across his chest. “I’m not going anywhere, we don’t have to stop. Come for me.”  
   
Bruce came with a shout, chest heaving and then mirroring Jay he buried his face in Jay’s shoulder, as Jay stroked his back and held him as he rode out the waves of pleasure. Finally, when he was aware again of the world around him, he sat back up, his hand sliding over Jay’s chest who shivered in response. “I’m glad.”  
   
Jay looked confused, so Bruce elaborated, “That you’re not going anywhere.”  
   
Jay laugh a little uncertainly, “Well, I’m glad you’re glad.  Not, mind you, that I’m expecting a promise ring or anything.”  
   
Bruce realized suddenly that Jay probably thought that all Bruce was interested in was a one night stand.  It would have been a reasonable assumption assumption after the little speech Bruce had given earlier that night about not needing people.  Bruce thought about that for a moment.  Would he?  He mentally shoved aside the Detective who was still screaming in the back of his brain and tried to think about what _he_ wanted for a change.  He wasn’t very good at it; he didn’t do it all that often.  _Should_ he run from this? From something that felt so good that it made him want to stay in the moment and never leave? That made him, he blinked, that made him forget about his parents and the mission, if only for a moment?  Wasn’t forgetting dangerous?   He looked at Jay who was looking at him anxiously.  
   
“You seemed to be enjoying yourself,” he explained nervously into the growing silence. “I’m sorry if I was wrong-”  
   
“Date me.”  
   
Jay blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”  
   
“Date me. Be my, I don’t know. Boyfriend. Lover. I- yes I enjoyed this, a great deal.” He buried his face in Jay shoulder, hugging him close. “Please Jay. I want-” He breathed in deeply, shutting out all the reasons why he wasn’t supposed to do this and concentrated on the feeling of Jay against him. “Let me stay.” It came out a whisper.  
   
Jay cupped Bruce’s face in both of his hands. “Of course, yes, you can stay. Yes, I-” He closed his eyes briefly, and then kissed him. “Stay for as long as you like. Do you- do you want to go back to sleep?”  
   
Bruce blinked at him. “You’re afraid of me.”  It hurt.  “Why are you afraid of me?”  
   
Jay flinched. “I haven’t…”  His eyes dropped down to the comforter in frustration. “I’m scared,” he finally admitted in a whispered.  
   
“But why?” Bruce asked, bewildered, “You asked me to stay, you kissed _me_ —I don’t understand, even, even if you-” horrified realization dawned. “Oh God. You don’t have to do this. I won’t tell anyone about what you told me. I’m not going to fire you. Please, please, don’t do this out of some kind of fear or, or pity.” Bruce felt sick. “You don’t have to do this.” He started to get up.  
   
“No.” Jay grabbed him and yanked him back, or tried, his eyes going wide in astonishment when he realized that it was like tugging on steel. He shook his head. “Bruce. I’ve wanted to do this since I met you, I thought, Jesus, I thought you knew?”  
   
It was Bruce’s turn to look surprised. “No, I had no idea.”  
   
Jay grinned shyly. “There’s just something about you, it’s like silk over steel. Plus you’re like this walking puzzle. You’re nothing like what the tabloids print and-” he shrugged, “-I like puzzles, it’s what I do.” He shook his head. “No, I’m scared because I thought that _you_ might be doing this out of pity. Or, or that you were still trying to find out about my past. I guess what I’m saying is, I don’t really know _why_ you’re here. I didn’t think you were interested in men.   I was pretty much expecting you to let me down gently, we’d laugh it off and then let the whole subject drop.”  Jay worried at the sheet in his hands, “I just don’t want to fall even harder for you and then have it blow up in my face.” He frowned. “You’re not the only one with trust issues, ok?”  
   
Bruce sighed and nodded, slipping back into bed. “I’m . . .” He started over. “I came here initially because you were drunk and needed a ride home.” He frowned as Jay continued to try and cover himself up. “Stop that, you’re beautiful.”  
   
Jay froze, looking stunned. “Liar.”  
   
Bruce gently took the sheets from him. “No, I’m not. You _are_ beautiful.” He ran a hand over Jay’s cheek. “I mean that,” Jay regarded him skeptically, and it made Bruce ache inside.  “May I make a request?” Jay cocked his head at him raising an eyebrow and waited, and Bruce was struck suddenly by the fact that the man was in bed, hair mussed and naked and that he hadn’t yet come. They were going to have to do something about that in a few moments.  Bruce shook his head slightly, shaking his thoughts back into some semblance of order.   This was probably _not_ the best place or time for a heart to heart but needs must as Alfred liked to say. “I’d like us to stop lying, to each other.  I realize,” He explained slowly, his words running only just head ahead of his thought process, “that there will be times when we can’t or don’t want to tell the absolute truth,” So many times he thought, but he yearned for someone he could talk to, or at the very least not lie to, surly it was possible if they both made an effort, “Could we try that?  Please?”  He realized that it came out sounding more like a plea than he’d intended but couldn’t contain the smile that spread across his face as Jay nodded his ascent.

“Yes,” Jay nodded vigorously, bouncing up and down slightly as he did so and Bruce couldn’t help himself, he slid one hand along Jay’s chest and down making Jay shiver. “B-Bruce.”  
   
“Sorry.” He apologized thickly; starting to take his hand away “I just want-"  
   
Jay moaned. “Oh God, don’t _stop_.”  
   
Bruce pulled him closer, his hand sliding gently back down over his cock. “How?”  
   
The blush that was engulfing Jay’s cheeks gave him some indication, he began to stroke very, very gently, and Jay moaned and nodded. “You don’t have to be embarrassed,” Bruce reassured as he touched him, “Not here. Not with me. I promise.”  
   
Jay looked like he was trying to nod but it got lost as his muscles clenched and he spasmed. Bruce pulled him in close and held onto him.  
   
“Jay?” Bruce asked gently  
   
“I’m ok.” He blushed. “It’s been a while. I meant for that to last a little longer.”  
   
Bruce kissed the top of his head. “I’m not going anywhere either.”  
   
They clung to each other for a moment, each trying not to think about all the reason why this was an incredibly bad idea. “So,” Jay said after a long moment. “No lying.” He cleared his throat, “I like it.” He nodded, “So… you came over because I needed a ride. And you slept in my bed because…?”  
   
“You asked me to.” 

“Yeah,” Jay grinned ducking his head, “I’d be embarrassed about that if it hadn’t worked out so well for me.  But again, I have to ask, why?”  
   
“I don’t know.  I just, I felt guilty about what I’d done, and you were so upset, and I just—”  he shrugged helplessly, “I wanted to make things right.”

“Well I must say you’ve done a rather spectacular job.”  Jay waggled his eyebrows at Bruce who laughed, but added “ Although if you’re _just_ doing this to make _me_ feel better—

Bruce was already shaking his head, “No, I wouldn’t do that to you, or to me.”

“Good,” Jay said as he clambered off Bruce’s lab and sat in front of him, his back to Bruce’s chest but then half-turned around in his arms so he could ask, “So?” indicating the now very dirty bed sheets.  
   
 “I’ve never considered myself gay. I guess…I was wrong?”  He said thoughtfully, allowing the idea to take root.  He’d never given much thought to his sexuality one way or the other, sex was just another layer to the illusion of Bruce Wayne, it served a function nothing more.  Tonight was the first time he’d ever felt something like this, like riding the high after winning a close fight.  It was a feeling, he realize suddenly, that he associated with Batman, not Bruce Wayne.   “I guess I’ll have to figure it out as we go along.”

Jay regarded him expectantly, “You know this is normally the time where one indulges in a hetero freak out.”

Bruce considered it and then shrugged, “I’m good.”

“So I _didn’t_ break you.”  Jay said, sounding pleased, “That’s good, Luscious would’ve killed me.”

“Can we _not_ talk about Luscious Fox while we’re in bed together?”  Bruce asked plaintively.

“I think I can manage that.” 

 “So…”  Bruce asked, trying to still his racing mind. “You’ve been with men before?”  
   
Jay nodded, “I have, but not for a long while.  Honestly I’ve not been with _anyone_ for a while.”

“With the hours you work, how could you?”

“Pot, kettle.”  Jay replied, unrepentant.   
   
“Anything serious?”

“Why,” Jay asked with a wry grin, “are you the jealous type?”

“No, well, maybe,” Bruce allowed, “I feel pretty possessive at the moment.”  He gave Jay a gentle squeeze.

Jay laughed, “post coital possessiveness.  I like it.  But to answer your question, no, nothing long term.”  He leaned back in Bruce’s arms, the longest relationship that I’ve ever had was with Jeannie , well and Har— Jay coughed, “There was one man who I cared for very much,” Jay continued, “But that must have been ten years ago now.”

“What happened?”  Bruce asked, curious in spite of himself.

Jay hesitated for along moment, finally he said, “I sent him away.”

Bruce frowned, “Why?”

“Because it wasn’t safe for him to be around me.” Jay said softly, “I haven’t always been the nicest person, Bruce, my Uncle…”  He trailed off and shook his head, “You should probably know that the ‘private security’ work I did before changing career tracks was for my uncle.”

Bruce was quite for a long moment, “I know the name Napier,” Bruce said finally, “He was mafia wasn’t he.”

Jay nodded, “Very much so.”

“I’m sorry.”  Bruce said softly, taking Jay’s hand and twining their fingers together, “I cannot imagine going through what you had to, I don’t think I would have come out the other side with my sanity intact.”

Jay snorted, “It took me a very long time, and a lot of help to get my head on straight.”  
    
“Well I’m glad that you’ve been able to get past it.”  Bruce returned, “Would you consider something serious now?” Bruce asked as he ran a hand down Jay’s stomach to rest just above his slightly stirring cock. 

“Cheating.” Jay moaned, arching toward the touch.  
   
“Sorry.” Bruce, replied looking sheepish for a moment. “It’s hard not to touch.”  
   
Jay moaned again. “Oh god, touch.  _Please_ touch.”  
   
Bruce started running his hands over him, learning his body. Finding spots that made him squirm. Jay leaned his head back on his shoulder, exposing his throat, which Bruce started to kiss.  
   
“Yes, by the way.”  Jay gasped out as Bruce hit a particularly sensitive spot.  
   
Bruce paused causing Jay to whine. “Yes what?” Bruce asked.  
   
“Yes, I’ll date you  Yes, I would consider something serious.” He shifted against Bruce’s hands. Taking the hint, Bruce started rubbing again, moving steadily lower. He was smiling.  
   
“Thank you.”  
   
“Mmmm, you’re, oh god yes more please of that, you’re welcome.  _God_ I wish you’d fuck me.”  
   
Bruce laughed. “I don’t even know how, shouldn’t you be fucking me?”  
   
Jay squirmed as Bruce ran his hand over his semi-erect cock. “Mmmmm, we can do that too. Oh Jesus yes _right_ there.”     
   
After he’d come for the second time Jay began an exploration of Bruce’s body much the way Bruce had been exploring his. His hand traced and dipped over old scars and new muscle. “Bruce?”  
   
“Hmmm?” Bruce replied sleepily.  
   
“Where did all of these scars come from? Because if I’m not mistaken that’s an old bullet wound.”  
   
Bruce opened his mouth to give his standard lie and then stopped; Jay saw the hesitation and smiled slightly. “You can always say that you don’t want to tell me.”  
   
Bruce traced the old wound with his finger and tired to remember where he’d gotten it. “Malaysia,” he said finally. “When I was about nineteen years old, I took off around the world looking for answers. I ran into a lot of trouble along the way.”  
   
“Did you find them? Your answers?” Jay asked quietly.  
   
“I thought that I had. These days I’m not so sure.”  
   
Jay kissed him. “Get some sleep, we’ve got to be up in a few hours for work.”  
   
*  
   
Bruce woke to the smell of breakfast; for one blearily moment he thought that he was at the manor but the sheets smell too much of sex for that illusion to last long. He made his way towards the kitchen and found Jay dressed again in his smiley face boxers, spatula in hand.  
   
He glanced up as Bruce came in and smiled warmly. “Morning.”  
   
“Morning. That smells wonderful. I didn’t realize that you cooked.”  
   
“It was something of a shock for me to discover as well. But I enjoy it. I see it as edible chemistry.”  
   
Bruce chuckled as he took a seat at the breakfast bar. Watching Jay move around the kitchen he noticed a faded scar on the back of his thigh for the first time.   Jay, turning, followed his gaze and glanced down. “Ah, yeah, a remnant from my uncle.”  
   
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to intrude.”  
   
“I know. That’s why I told you.”  
   
Bruce got up and wrapped his arms around him from behind and Jay leaned back into him. “Jay?”  
   
“Hmmm?”  
   
“I was wondering if we could keep the dating thing-"  
   
“Quiet?”  
   
“Not permanently,” Bruce rushed to reassure him, hating that he seemed to think it was because of him. He would have to tell the others before that and… he shoved it away for now. He’d deal with it later. “If you want me to I will go out and make a formal announcement right now.”  He said seriously.  
   
Jay turned around in his arms, a smile on his face. “Thank you. That means a lot actually, but this is very new and I think we ought to give it a while before we’re descended upon by the paparazzi.”  
   
Bruce blinked, damn it, he hadn’t even thought about that. “I was thinking of my friends. I wasn’t sure how they were going to react. I wasn’t even thinking of, oh Jay I’m sorry.”  
   
Jay waved it away. “We’ll jump off that bridge when we come to it.”  
   
*  
   
They drove in to work together; in the parking lot Bruce was shocked at how hard it was to keep from kissing him as they parted. He saw the same thing reflected in Jay’s eyes, so he followed Jay up to his office. They waved to Tira on the way in and once the door was shut Bruce pulled him into his arms, kissing him fiercely.  
   
When he finally broke the kiss he asked, “Can you teach me how to have sex?”  
   
Jay groaned and shifted against him, Bruce could feel that he was hard through the material of both their pants and he dropped his hand down to rub.  
   
“N-now?”  
   
Bruce was tempted but he had a meeting in an hour and he wanted to take his time.  “No, I can’t, I’ve got a meeting.”  
   
“T-tonight?”  
   
Bruce hesitated; he’d missed going on patrol last night, and he really should go home and catch up. But he could skip out after the meeting to catch up on anything necessary at the Cave, swing by after five and then be back at the Cave by sunset. “I can’t stay the night. But I can meet you at your place around five thirty?”  
   
Jay looked like he was going to ask why but then he looked at Bruce’s face and seemed to change his mind. Instead he just nodded. Bruce blessed him for that. He would tell him. He would have to, but not now. It was too new.  
   
“Come here.” He pulled Jay down on the couch, unzipping his pants and began stroking him as gently as he could, Jay melted in his arms, whimpering and biting his knuckles to keep from making noise. Bruce brushed his thumb over the tip, slowly tracing the head; Jay turned his head and buried it in his neck, still whimpering.  
   
“What do you want?” Bruce whispered into his ear. Jay shivered, bucking up against his hand. “You have to tell me, I’ve never done this before. What do you want me to do?”  
   
“You have done it before, y-you did it last night,” Jay whispered back, his eyes squeezed shut. “Twice in fact.” He shivered. “R-run your finger along t-the underside.” He bit his lip as Bruce followed his instructions. “p-past my balls right, oh god _right_ there.” Bruce, who was intimately familiar with anatomy, knew that he was rubbing Jay’s perineum and he was, of course, familiar with the different erogenous zones of the body and what could bring pleasure. But to hear Jay gasp out what he wanted was electrifying.  Bruce concentrated on Jay’s reactions, shifting slightly to rub his own erection against Jay’s body. Jay half-turned so that he could reach Bruce’s mouth and kissed him. Bruce pulled him closer, moaning quietly as he felt Jay shudder and come into his hand. Once Jay got himself put back together he slid down to the ground and turned so that he was in between Bruce’s legs. Bruce felt his breath catch as Jay undid his zipper and teased him free. Then, breathtakingly slowly, Jay slid his mouth over the head of Bruce’s cock. Bruce had to stifle a shout as he was surrounded by the wet heat and sucking pressure. It was- he had had this done exactly three times. He had never enjoyed it. This was not even on the same planet. Jay pattered the skin lightly with his fingers, sensitizing it, before licking and sucking over it. Then, slowly as he became more accustomed, he took all of Bruce into his mouth and down his throat. Bruce marshaled every ounce of will power he possessed not to buck into Jay’s mouth. He didn’t know if there was some form of etiquette for blow jobs, he tried to signal to Jay that he was about to come but he wasn’t sure if he’d gotten the message across in time. Jay swallowed him down, licking him gently before Bruce hauled him back up on the couch. Screw patrol. He could have one night. This would be the first time he’d ever had sex and enjoyed it in his life.  
   
* * *  
   
<Oracle?>  Batman’s gravelly voice broke over the radio and Oracle felt herself relax. 

<Batman! We’ve been worried, are you alright?>

  
<I’m fine> he replied gruffly. < I’m still trying to catch things up at Wayne Tech. I won’t be available for patrol tonight.>  
   
<I’ll get someone to cover it. Are you sure that you’re OK?>

<Fine. Batman out.>  
   
Oracle blinked. Bruce was skipping out on patrol? She didn’t think that Wayne Tech was going into bankruptcy and that was the only reason she could think of that he would willingly miss patrol two nights in a row without being critically injured. Hell, even then you had to drug the man. She chewed on her lip, and then contacted Tim to see if he could cover for him.  
   
<Tim?>  
   
<Have you found Bruce yet?>  
   
<Yeah, he just checked in.  He says that he won’t be going on patrol tonight as well, problems at Wayne Tech.>  
   
<But I checked there last night, he wasn’t there.> Tim’s voice sounded confused.  
   
<Don’t ask me, he’s your partner.>  
   
Tim sighed. <I can cover for him .>

<Talk to him,> Oracle urged, <He listens to you more than the rest of us.  Maybe he’ll tell _you_ what’s going on. > Tim’s derisive snort carried clearly over the radio, <it’s worth a try,> She pressed

<I’ll talk to him, for what good it will do.> Tim acquiesced.

<Thanks Tim>

<Sure, Robin out.>  
   
*  *  *  
   
“Master Bruce! We were worried.”  
   
“Problems at Wayne Tech,” He said shortly. “I’ll be heading back tonight.” He headed towards the Cave and with a concentration borne of years of practice managed to get his work done. Thankfully work was lighter these days with the Joker, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy and Two-Face off the streets. Bruce still marveled at that fact; Miriam had indeed been as good as her word, there was no doubt about that.  But even without the costumed super villains there were still plenty of street gangs and Mafias to be dealt with.  Not to mention the Penguin who still managed to skate the line of legality.   But when his internal clock hit 4:45 he practically ran up stairs. He took a shower and then stood in front of his closet staring blankly at his clothes. He was nervous, he acknowledged finally. He couldn’t remember that last time he’d been nervous.  
   
“Sir, if I may be so bold, the blue shirt with the silver tie. She’ll love it.”  
   
Bruce turned to find Alfred standing in the doorway and nodded his thanks absently. He ought to give the man a raise again he thought absently. He stopped, wondering when he’d started expressing his thanks in monetary form. He called him back, “Alfred?”  
   
“Yes sir?”  
   
“Thank you.”  
   
Alfred looked surprise but pleased. “You’re welcome.”  
   
* * *  
   
Jay was trying not to strangle the cashier who was giving him knowing looks as he rang up the lube and condoms. Impulse control, he chanted to himself, impulse control, kiddo you can do this. He was flying; he hadn’t felt like this in years, not since Jeannie. He glanced at his watch and cursed under his breath; if this kid went any slower he’d be going backwards. Jesus, he knew he should have skipped that last trial. He almost ran out of the store, afraid that Bruce would get there, find him gone and leave. The very thought made him go faster, daring one of Gotham’s finest to pull him over. Happily he made it with time to spare. He threw the bag in the bedroom and tried to think through the lust-filled haze in his brain. Shower? Did he have time? Probably not. He headed into the bathroom to brush his teeth for the third time and stopped.  Right, he’d done that.  He glanced around the apartment at loose ends,  finally he flopped down on the couch and stared at the door.

   
* * *  
   
Bruce showed up on Jay’s doorstep at exactly 5:30 and grinned when Jay yanked the door open before he could knock for a second time. Jay seemed to realize how eager this seemed and blushed. Bruce just grinned wider and swept him up in his arms, kissing him like he hadn’t seen him in years. He couldn’t stop kissing him or running his hands over him, tasting him and touching him. Jay moaned into his mouth, pulling him towards the bedroom. Bruce broke the kiss to whisper, “I’m staying the night, if that’s ok with you.”  
   
Jay looked surprised. “But I thought… no, that’s great.” He smiled happily. “Wonderful.”  
   
Bruce pulled him closer and kissed him again, needing more contact. “I need you to not be wearing clothing.”  
   
Jay shivered. “God yes. Please, bedroom.   _Now_.”  
   
They made their way awkwardly, neither being able to let the other go long enough to walk properly. Jay was already working on his tie and then the buttons on his shirt, Bruce copied running his hand along Jay’s chest once he had it bared. “Beautiful,” he murmured and Jay ducked his head in embarrassment, causing Bruce to ask, “Why do you think you’re unattractive?”  
   
Jay laughed avoiding his eyes. “Because I own a mirror.”  
   
Bruce tilted his head up so that their eyes met. “Jay, you are a very attractive man. I thought so from the day I met you.” Jay’s eyes slid to the side and he just shook his head. Bruce sighed in frustration but decided to work on it later. He kissed him, muttering under his breath about how wrong he was. Jay chuckled and moved with him to the bed helping Bruce to strip out of the last of his clothing. There was a plastic bag on the bed, which Bruce discovered by rolling over onto it. “What-"  
   
“Supplies,” Jay answered with a waggle of his eyebrows.  
   
Bruce’s brow furrowed for a moment and then smoothed as he worked out what Jay meant. Good lord, it had been a while since he’d done this. Jay was grinning at him wickedly. “Awwww, I’m corrupting the playboy.” His expressions softened as he kissed him and pulled Bruce down on top of him.  
   
“Oh God yes.” Bruce shifted so that his knee was in-between Jay’s legs, rubbing against his hardening arousal. Jay started shifting back against him moaning quietly. Bruce, moving with him, found a rhythm quickly.  
   
“Jay, how-"  
   
Jay kissed him. “Which do you want to try first?”  
   
“I want – mmmm – I want, I don’t know what I want,” he finally conceded. “What do you want?”  
   
Jay, grinning up at him, answered, “I’m happy with the way things are right now. It’ll be more familiar for you.” He closed his eye momentarily as Bruce ran a hand over his chest and down to toy with him very, very gently, and he shivered. “I c-can” he said breathlessly, “prep myself if you want?”  
   
Bruce shook his head. “Show me how.”  
   
Bruce watched as Jay scrabbled for the bottle of lube and then squeezed out a copious amount onto two fingers. He leaned back and spread his legs wider making Bruce moan softly and Jay flashed him a grin. He slid his two fingers into the ring of muscle and gently began working his way in and out. Bruce copied his actions, and Jay moaned happily as two of Bruce’s thick strong fingers replaced his own slender ones. Bruce felt the muscles contract around his fingers, he moved slowly knowing that Jay liked it gentle, and found the rhythm again. Jay was moving with him, half sobbing.  
   
“A-add a t-third f-finger.”  
   
Bruce followed his instruction. Feeling his own erection jump, he reached down and squeezed it absently, concentrating on finding- Jay cried out and Bruce smiled triumphantly. Jay looked up at him hazily. “Now who told you about that, hmmmm?”  
   
“I’ve never done this before, that doesn’t mean that I’m completely ignorant.” Or lack the means to do research.  
   
“Hurray for knowledge,” Jay said, his tone giddy, “I’m- I’m ready when you are. Condoms are in the bag if you want one. I don’t r-require, _Jesus you’re good at this_ , that you wear one.”  
   
Bruce thought about it, but better safe than sorry and tore one open and slipped it on. Jay had whimpered at the loss of his fingers but sighed as Bruce positioned himself and slid slowly in. He began moving, gently, Jay clinging to him, and he thought he might come just from the penetration. Stilling inside Jay for a moment, eyes closed, breathing heavy and tried to fight off the emotions swamping him. He had never been good with dealing with emotions. His usual tactic was to ignore them and they would go away. He very much doubted it would work in this situation.  
   
“Talk to me,” Jay whispered.  
   
“I’m ok.” Bruce assured him as he buried his face in Jay’s shoulder, unable to give voice to the emotions running riot through his head.  
   
Jay tilted his face up and kissed him. “I know,” he soothed, understanding. “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”  
   
Bruce smiled. “Thank you.”  
   
He began moving again slowly, gently, watching the expression on Jay’s face. It was euphoric and Bruce finally understood why people searched for this, why they gave up parts of themselves, made themselves vulnerable and weak, it was so that they could have the look that Jay was giving him right now. He pulled him closer and slowed down even more. Their first time took over an hour. Finally Jay had gone over the edge, muscles clenching, saying Bruce’s name. That had been enough to send Bruce over as well.  
   
They held each other in the darkness, sated and half asleep. And Bruce realized that he wanted this, more than anything he had ever wanted in his entire life.

Shades of Gray:  
Chapter Four

Miriam was wandering the world of the dead. She’d only been here one other time, right after her mother had been murdered. She’d accessed the world by accident, so grief-stricken that she’d simply bullied her way through.  
   
Miriam smiled at the memory, though she had no face with which to smile. Her mother had not been impressed. Nor had she been impressed with her plan to take her back. Her mother had explained in her kind and ever pragmatic way that in order to resurrect someone you needed a body, preferably one that hadn’t been tortured for three weeks.  Miriam sighed, the smile dropping away.  She still missed her so much it hurt. She wondered if it would ever ease; it had been almost three years now and thinking of her still brought tears to the back of her throat. She sighed again, or would have done so if she’d had the body to do it with, and put the thought aside as she always did, to be dwelt on later.  
   
She turned her attention to the strange world around her. Most of the stories from mages who had entered the world of the dead and returned were meant as warning, to scare off those that would try to follow them. Miriam wondered if they actually believed what they were writing or just felt obligated to concoct some horrid tale in order to impress. Both times she’d been here she’d never found it disconcerting; quite the contrary, she’d found it very peaceful. Maybe it was different for Elves. It was a place she’d like to meditate if the time ran even remotely parallel to her own world. That was the biggest problem, she could be here for what felt like a day and three weeks could have gone by on the outside. Then again she could feel that she been here for years and come back at roughly the same time that she left. That’s what happened when worlds shared non-linear timelines. Very frustrating. If this took longer than three weeks, Jay was going to have a fit. Goddess, she hoped he was ok; he had been so upset when he’d left. If he did anything stupid while she was gone she’d kill him.  
   
*  *  *  
   
Jay woke up in Bruce's arms; it was one of the best feelings he'd ever had. He closed his eyes and reveled in being held. Feeling Bruce shift next to him, he smiled as he felt a kiss on his temple.  
   
"So how are you?"  
   
He felt Bruce smile into his hair. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?"  
   
Jay laughed. "I'm fine.  I'm, mmmm, so much better than fine."  
   
Bruce hummed in response and pulled him closer.  "Don't go into work today."  
   
Jay opened his eyes, the corners of his mouth twitching. "You're my boss. You're not supposed to encourage me to play hooky."  
   
"Not here, remember, here I'm not your boss."  Bruce had started to slide his hand down Jay's chest and Jay arched up to meet it.   
   
Oh God, please let this never end. "No work," he whispered as Bruce's hand closed around him, stroking more gently than Jay thought possible.  The contrast between Bruce's huge hands and their gentle stroking was delicious.  He closed his eyes, another shiver working its way through his body and then turned and tugged Bruce on top of him.  Bruce groaned softly, moving with him.  
   
"Lube?"  Bruce asked thickly  
   
"I… .I have no idea, where did you see it last?"  
   
Bruce laughed, it was almost giddy. "I wasn't paying attention."  
   
Jay cocked his head; he sensed something behind that but chose to ignore it for the time being. He pushed gently on Bruce's chest, who leaned back giving him room to search the bed clothes, Bruce doing the same. Jay ended up hung half off the bed looking around on the floor and realized how stupid that was without the aid of his glasses.  
   
"Bruce can you hand me my glasses?"  There was silence above him. "Bruce?"  
   
"What, sorry, I was preoccupied, what did you want?"  
   
Jay wiggled his ass and grinned to himself loving the attention in spite of himself; it made him feel attractive. Of course Bruce didn't know what he really looked like- he shoved the thought away viciously. He would tell him, he would have to, but just not now, for a little while he could pretend that this wasn't going to end in pain.  His groping hands located the lube.  
   
"Never mind, haul me up wouldya?"  
   
Bruce chuckled and did so. Jay was blinded monetarily by the sudden head rush, once it had cleared he held out the lube in triumph but Bruce was looking at him worriedly.  
   
"What?"  
   
"Are you ok?"  
   
"What? Oh, yeah, head rush. Comes from hanging upside down for too long."  
   
"Jay, I know we joke, but you do eat regularly, don't you?"  
   
Jay smiled. "I'm not anorexic, Bruce, I promise. I was very sick when I was younger, I'm afraid that I've always been this scrawny."  
   
Bruce pulled him close. "You're not scrawny."  
   
"Sure."  
   
He suddenly found himself being passionately kissed and the world ceased to matter anymore.  Bruce nudged his legs apart, sliding two fingers along his thigh and then in. Jay arched, spreading his legs even wider. "Oh god more, Bruce. Please more."  
   
Bruce groaned and added a third finger, working the ring of muscle slowly. Jay's eyes fluttered shut as sensation swamped him; it was nothing like being with Jeannie had been.  He loved her, he always would, but here, with Bruce's fingers jarring wave upon wave of pleasure through his body he was willing to admit that it had never been this good.  He moaned again, pushing down on Bruce's fingers and crying out when Bruce withdrew, even knowing what was coming.  He stretched easily to take him. He'd heard that it hurt for some, it had never hurt for him, although the day after could be a bit tricky.   Bruce was by far the biggest lover he'd ever had, in both girth and in length, but there was still no pain.  Just pulsing waves of pleasure that made him want more and more.  And Bruce was so gentle.  He had always been embarrassed to tell his lovers what he really wanted. The Joker wanted it gentle?  It would have hurt his rep far more than wanting to be fucked by a man.  He frowned trying to push the thought away; he wasn't the Joker anymore, he was Jay now.  He was allowed to want this.  He felt Bruce's hand on his face.  
   
"What's wrong?"  
   
Jay shook his head. "Old memories, sorry."  
   
Bruce looked mildly alarmed. "Do you want to stop?"  
   
Jay's eyes snapped open. "No!"  
   
Bruce looked relieved. "Just checking."  
   
"Mmmm." He thawapted him lazily on the arm which felt like hitting a tree branch. "Not funny."  His eyes slipped shut again as Bruce found the rhythm again.  "Oh, Jesus yes."  
   
*  
   
They stayed in bed for the rest of the day, emerging once to order take out, with which they retreated to the bed room to eat.  
   
"Honestly, how many?"  
   
Bruce screwed up his face, chopsticks half way to his mouth. "three," he said finally.  
   
"Your whole life?  Seriously?"  
   
Bruce looked down at the box of noodles in his hand and shrugged. "I never enjoyed it."  
   
"Ah." Jay frowned thoughtfully. "And it never dawned on you that you might be gay?"  
   
Again Bruce shrugged. "It wasn't really that important."  
   
"Sex not important?”  Jay asked, sounding scandalized. 

Bruce rolled his eyes. "There are more important things in this world than sex."  
   
"Name one."  
   
"Justice."  
   
“How is _justice_ more important than sex?"  
   
Bruce gaped at him. "How can it not be?"  
   
"Well justice did not just make me come so hard I nearly blacked out, sex on the other hand…"  
   
Bruce shook his head trying to keep a stern look on his face while Jay made faces at him. "Jay, it’s-" He laughed. "ok it’s equally important.  How's that?"  
   
"Close enough for government work."  
   
*  *  *  
   
"Status?"  
   
"…not good.  One of the main systems that I set up in Turkey was trampled on by a- a-" He hesitated rechecking his facts. "-a T-Rex?"  
   
"Your point being?"  
   
"That it is taking longer than I expected," he snapped, his gloved hands shaking violently. "When I signed on for this it was to change the world, to make it better, not to be treated like some- some lackey.   If you're going to k-kill me then do it, otherwise, let me do the job you hired me to do.  These are computers, not miracle workers! It’ll be done when it's done and no sooner!   Stop asking for my status, I'll tell you when I'm finished, until then assume that I'm not!"  
   
"Listen here you insignificant little worm-"  
   
"Gentlemen, gentlemen, calm yourselves.  He is not wrong.  And I do apologize if our conduct has been anything other than professional. Your life is in no danger here.  You are helping to bring about the realization of a dream of a purified earth, one unsoiled by the detritus of mankind.   I know that we are all anxious to see this dream brought about, but there is no reason not to be civil.  We all have our parts to play.   It is important not to forget that in the heat of the moment. If you could, however, keep us apprised of your progress I would appreciate it."  
   
He nodded. "I- sure." He licked his lips nervously. "I don't mind telling you how it’s going, I want the same thing you want.   Right now it looks like I can get everything in Turkey back online in a few months, after that, it will just depend on the extent of the damage elsewhere. "  
   
*  *  *  
   
Miriam was wondering if you could get lost in the world of the dead.  By her estimation she'd been here for five days.  She'd run into a few rather interesting spirits, one even claiming to be Julius Caesar although she had some reservations about that one; she'd had a feeling that it was actually the god Loki trying to get a rise out of her but she'd played along anyway because either way she'd never met the man.  The conversation had been interesting if unhelpful.  Eventually she'd continued on, wondering if Conner would gravitate towards the Valhalla section, being a warrior and all.  If he'd gone in for reincarnation they were all royally fucked.  Finally she picked up a faint hum on the frequency she'd been able to get from Tim. She followed as quickly as she could, wishing she knew how to run without a body. Supposedly there were shamans once that could teleport from place to place because they spent so much time here. She’d never seen the point – until now.  The signal grew stronger as she drew closer and she almost wept with relief when she emerged through a section of rock and found him on the other side.  
   
"Thank the Goddess. Conner!"  
   
He turned, clearly surprised.  Miriam always marveled at the ability to distinguish emotion without bodies, but when she'd given it some thought it had made a bizarre form of sense – as much sense as anything the land of the dead ever did anyway. Here they were little more than balls of floating emotions, so it made sense that they could pick it up from each other.  
   
"Who are you?"  
   
"My name's Miriam O'Connell. I'm a friend of Tim Drake’s."  
   
Surprise turned to suspicion.  "Oh yeah?  He never mentioned you."  
   
"He wouldn't have done, I'm from the civilian side.  Or at least I used to be.   He works so hard to keep the two separate.  Bless him."  
   
Conner still looked skeptical. "So what are you doing here?  Did you get offed too?"  
   
"No.  No, I'm here to bring you back, well if you want to be brought back that is.   We've managed to clone you a new body and everything but it’s up to you.  If you don't want to go back I'll understand, I can always tell them that I couldn't find you."  
   
Conner's eyes had gotten bright. "Seriously?  You- you can do that?   Can we go now?"  
   
Miriam chuckled. "I think sooner rather than later would be a good thing, if I'm here too long a friend of mine is going to start panicking."  
   
"How does it work?"  Conner asked anxiously.  
   
"Oh this is the easy part, you just take my hand."  
   
*    
   
Miriam's eyes blinked open, her body feeling ridiculously heavy.  She remained still allowing her mind to readjust to being trapped within the confines of her form once again.   While she waited for her mind and body to sync up she prodded the back of her brain.  
   
"Conner?"  
   
"Where am I?"  He sounded like he was scared and trying not to show it.   Miriam could understand, if she'd understood the book correctly, right now he was floating in limbo, surrounded by darkness, barely existent himself save for his tenuous link with Miriam.   
   
"You're in my head," she lied. No need to panic him. "I'm about to start the transfer, just give me a few moments to get my bearings."  
   
"O-ok."  
   
It took her about a quarter of an hour to recover enough to sit up, she glanced at the calendar on the laptop and smiled, two weeks and three days, well under the wire.  She began working each muscle group reconnecting with them, reassuring her brain that it was indeed hemmed in once again and it was just going to have to deal with it.   Finally she was able to stand, and began moving toward the body that was ringed by the circles that she had previously prepared.  Her legs were wobbly and she had to stop to rest about three times on her trip across the floor.   Not good, she thought grimly, I've still got a lot to do.  Why is it that I always seem to get in over my head? She sighed.  
   
"Miriam?"  
   
"It's ok Conner," she soothed. "I'm- it’s just rough not having a body for two weeks and then suddenly having one."  
   
"How long have I been gone?"  
   
Miriam hesitated, not wanted to upset him and then sighed. "A little less than two years."  
   
"Well fuck."  
   
Miriam chuckled; she was gonna like this kid. "Yeah, but it'll just make you're come back all that more spectacular.   Ok, quiet now, I've got to concentrate."  
   
*  *  *  
   
Jay was hunched over his microscope when he felt it, M was back and she was ok.   He glanced up at the clock and then shrugged.  He'd racked up enough overtime in the last six months or so he could take off early.  Besides, Bruce was working again tonight.   He sighed; Jay had a sneaking suspicion that Bruce had a night job.  In Gotham that could mean very many different things, not all of them good, but Jay didn't want to speculate.   When he was with Bruce, he was happy.  He hadn't really thought that he would ever be happy again, so he was willing to take a little on faith for the time being.   It's not like he was being completely honest himself, he cringed internally as he pulled on his coat.  He _sooo_ didn't want to have that conversation, ‘I love you and I used to try and knock you off buildings, I'm sorry, please don't hate me.’   He closed his eyes and leaned back against the elevator.  Think about something else he told himself; this wasn't going to make anything better.   He jumped as his phone rang. "Hello?"  
   
"Jay?"  
   
"Oh, hey Bruce.  I thought you were working tonight?"  
   
"I am, I'm sorry." Jay could hear genuine regret in his voice and he smiled, at least he misses me he thought. "But I just wanted to make sure that you remembered to get dinner."  
   
Jay burst out laughing, and found that he couldn't stop, he had to lean against the side of the elevator to keep from falling over. "Seriously?" he finally managed. "Yes mama Bruce,” he crooned, “I'm going out now. Do you want me to call when I get home?" he teased.  
   
Jay could hear the smile in his voice. "No, just make sure you eat.  I'll see you tomorrow at work, come by my office will you?"  
   
"Work or pleasure?" Jay purred  
   
It took Bruce a moment to respond and Jay could easily envision the half lidded look on his face as he adjusted himself, finally Bruce responded, "Pleasure."  
   
Jay leaned back against the elevator, voice rough. "What time?"  
   
There was a pause. "Can I come by your place around seven tomorrow morning?"  
   
Jay's eyes closed. "Please, earlier if you want, use your key."  
   
"I'll see you then."  
   
*  
   
Jay was sitting in traffic when he thought about calling Rob. He'd been given the number in case there was an emergences pertaining to Conner but he thought Rob might like to be there when he woke up.  
   
"Jay?  Is everything ok?"  
   
"Everything's fine." Jay could hear was sounded like a school in the background and shook his head, sometimes he forgot that they were still just kids. He wondered absently if Bats did as well. "I just thought you might like to know that M's back."  
   
"Really?"  
   
"Yup, I'm on my way over now."  
   
"I'll meet you there."  
   
*  *  *  
   
Miriam paused from chanting to sigh in annoyance.  
   
"What?" Conner asked nervously.  
   
"Oh nothing, just a friend of mine is on his way. I don't know what he thinks he's going to do but sit here for the next few hours."   She resumed chanting, traced signals in the air to punctuate her words. She was building a pathway that Conner could follow to the new body; once done she would have to begin the tedious process of sealing him in.  Over all it should take the next couple of days. She had no clue what Jay thought he was going to do, she sighed again.  
   
When they finally arrived she met them at the door. "Seriously, what do you think to accomplish?"  
   
Jay blinked, "Um," he glanced a Rob.  
   
"We wanted to see Conner?"  
   
"Well you can't see Conner right now, come back in a couple of days."  
   
"Did it not work?"  Tim asked anxiously.  
   
"Thank you Rob, yes I'm fine."  
   
"Sorry, _are_ you ok?"  
   
She smiled tiredly at him. "Yes I'm fine.  And it's all gone according to plan so far, of course there is still a bit left…"  
   
She glanced meaningfully from Tim to Jay who was starting to look sheepish. He rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry M, I kinda forgot about the whole sealing him in bit, I was just so relieved that you were ok…"  
   
Miriam smiled at him. "I'm glad to see you to. To be perfectly honest I was afraid that you would go and do something stupid.” She paused. “You haven’t, have you?’  
   
“Not to my knowledge.”  
   
“Good. Now I've got a lot of work to do, so off with you."  She made shooing motions at them.  
   
They nodded and shuffled back towards their cars, well Jay's car and Tim’s motorcycle.  Jay glanced down at him. "Sorry."  
   
"I should have remembered too, I was just so…” Tim shook his head. “Do you want to get dinner?"  
   
Jay chuckled. "Why are people always trying to feed me?"  
   
"Because you look like a bitten-up tomcat?"  
   
"Well, fuck you Mr. Backwards Hat. You know I've killed men for less than that."  
   
Tim grinned. "See the problem with people knowing you're sane is no one believes you when you threaten to kill them."  
   
Jay snorted, "Damn it, I knew this would happen.  That's it; first thing tomorrow I'm finding another vat of acid."  
   
"Until then, let's find something to eat."  
   
   
*   *    *  
   
Bruce slipped silently into bed with Jay shifting so that Jay's head was on his chest.   It was 6:30, he had just finished patrol.  He stroked gently along the length of Jay's body tracing the curve of his hip.  
   
"Bruce," he murmured sleepily, and Bruce's heart soared. He pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head.  
   
"Hello."  
   
"Howdidworkgo?"  
   
"Fine.  It went fine." He sighed internally; he needed to tell him he was Batman.  The hurt in Jay's eyes every time he told him he was working late and didn't elaborate as to why cut him to the quick.   He wanted a relationship with this man, a full relationship without lies or barriers.  Something he'd never had before.   To hell with what the other's thought.  
   
*  
   
To Bruce's surprise he'd actually fallen asleep. He woke several hours later to the sound of Jay smashing his hand down on the alarm clock and muttering angrily at it.   Jay snuggled closer, finding the warmest bits of Bruce to place his very cold feet.  Bruce yelped and pulled away and Jay whined sleepily.  
   
"Your feet are like ice!"  
   
"n'your warm," Jay replied drowsily.  
   
Bruce shook his head as he glanced at the clock. "You're going to be late."  
   
Jay wriggled closer. "You can write me a note."  
   
Bruce laughed.  
   
*  *   *  
   
Tim had waited, very patiently for the next few days. Finally he'd given up on being patient and trekked back out to the warehouse worried that something was wrong.   He snuck in to find Miriam conversing with Conner, who was dressed in one of Jay’s lab coats.  
   
"So I'm both, I work at Arkham during the day and I go to school around it."  
   
"Jesus and I thought living in Smallville was rough.   Hey Tim."  
   
Miriam glanced up and grinned. "Just couldn't wait could you?"  
   
"Why didn't you call me?!"  
   
"Because he's still getting his feet under him, so to speak."  
   
"It’s been terrible man, you trapped me here with this gorgeous woman, that’s just cruel."  Conner said grinning hughly.  
   
Tim was grinning from ear to ear. "Don't let Cass hear you talk like that, she'll have your head."  
   
Conner rubbed the back of his neck. "She'll have more than my head.  Also,” he said wagging a finger at Tim, “I cannot believe that you didn't tell me about Miriam.  Dude, that is _so_ not cool.  You should have brought her by the tower. God to see Beast Boy around her that would be somethin.'"  
   
Miriam smiled, "Well I'll leave you two to catch up, I'm going home.   I need a shower and a change of clothes and food that hasn't been magical transferred into my body. Conner, I know that you're going to want to go out, but you have to stay here until Jay comes by to check you out.  I mean that."  He said seriously.  
   
"Jay's the guy who cloned me, um again," Conner explained to Tim.  
   
Tim laughed. "I know, you idiot. I've been here helping."  
   
As soon as Miriam was out of the room Tim launched himself at Conner, hugging him until he thought his arms would break. Then he hit him.  
   
"Ow, dude, what was that for?"  
   
"Don't you ever do that again, do you hear me?  I've been miserable!  First my mom, then my dad, then Steph, then you!  Damn it, you are _never_ allowed to do that again."  
   
Conner pulled him back into the hug. "I know man, I know, I'm sorry. But you brought me back."  
   
Tim wiped furiously at his eyes. "I didn't, I tried but I couldn't get it to work, if it hadn't been for Miriam and Jay…" He sat down next to Conner and put his head in his hands.   "I've missed you."  He cleared his throat self-consciously, sitting up strait.  "So has everyone else.  Cass has been going nuts, Clark blames himself, so does Batman but then Batman blames himself for everything-"   
   
"Tim," Conner interrupted quietly. Tim stopped his monologue, glancing over at Conner his eyes still overly bright.   "I missed you too, man."  
   
   
* * *

Jay walked in to find Conner and Rob huddled together speaking quietly. They looked up and smiled and Jay was stuck with how young they were.   He shook his head, not for him to judge.  If the superheroes of the world wanted to have kids running around and getting killed that was their decision.  On their heads be it, he was out of it.  
   
"Good morning Conner, I'm Jay.  How are you feeling?"  
   
He grinned up at him. "Fantastic.  Thanks for all your help man, Rob says that you pretty much did this all by yourself."  
   
Jay raised his eyebrows at Rob. "Well then _Rob_ neglected to mention that _he_ spent every spare moment here monitoring the equipment.   He worked just as hard as I did.  Besides he gave me everything to start with, I just connected the dots."  
   
"Jay would you knock off the modesty."  
   
"It’s not modesty if it’s true boy wonder." He grinned. "So, I need to check you over, do you want to go behind a screen or anything?"  
   
"No man, it’s cool, it’s not something Rob hasn't seen before."  Conner rushed to clarify at the suggestive look on Jay's face. "I mean we've shared headquarters and locker rooms, man, get your mind outta the gutter."  
   
"Sorry," Jay murmured as he began running through Conner's vitals. "Force of habit.  Now, have you to tried to do anything 'super' yet?"  
   
Conner hesitated. "I tried to fly, but I couldn't.  Is- is that going to be permanent?"  
   
Jay looked him over. "I shouldn't think so. We had solar panels on you towards the end but I think you could do with a good juicing.   Let me finish up here and you can go out to the park. You are not, however," he looked from Rob to Conner, his face serious, "to try any crime fighting of any nature whatsoever.  I mean that.  You need to recover your strength.  Do not tax yourself at this early stage.  Do you understand?"  
   
"Yes mama Jay."  Conner sang at him and Jay grinned.  
   
"M was right, you are a good kid."  
   
Conner raised an eyebrow at him. "And just what is that supposed to mean?"  
   
"Oh nothing, I just thought you were gonna be all Boy Scout on me, like Supey."  Jay shuddered. "I cannot deal with that this early in the morning.   Or ever, for that matter.  So, everything looks good here, be gone with you.  Shoo, but you," he pointed at Conner, "be back by sunset. I'll be back to check on you, and if you're not here I'll be very pissed."  
   
Conner saluted and then grabbed Rob's arm and started to run out the door when Jay called them back. "Oh and Conner?"  
   
"Yeah?"  He responded petulantly.  
   
"You might want to work on getting some clothes."  
   
*  
   
Tim and Conner, who had stopped by one of Tim's caches to change into civvies, were munching on pizza, lounging in the sunshine and doing their best to act like the lay-about teenagers they were supposed to be.  
   
"So, Starfire is really gone?"  Conner asked morosely. "Damn."  
   
Tim nodded. "She’s still MIA, we hope she's still out there."  He sighed. "Dick was a mess."  
   
"I'll bet.  So," Conner asked casually as he pulled another piece of pizza from the box, "are you and Miriam seeing each other?"  
   
"What?  Oh, no.  She's just a friend."  
   
"How do you do it man?  How can any red blooded male be 'just friends' with a chick that looks like that?"  
   
Tim rolled his eyes, "It is possible to be friends with attractive people and not want to sleep with them."  
   
"Says you."  Tim just shook his head, “hey man, it’s cool, it leaves the field clear for me.”  
   
"What about Cass?"  Tim asked  
   
"Dude, it was a joke."  He sighed. "God this is gonna suck, we're gonna have to do that whole 'he's alive!' thing and there will be all this weirdness while people try to act like they weren't moving on and stuff…"  
   
"Not many of us have managed to move on I'm afraid."  
   
"I betcha Bart did."  
   
Tim winced, and Conner's eyes went wide. "No man!  Not Bart too!"   
   
"Well, yes and no.  He's not dead and he's not missing but he is twenty now."  
   
"He's what?!"  
   
"His growth got accelerated when he and the other speedsters tried to trap Superboy Prime in the Speed Force.  Officially the Speed Force has been destroyed but Batman says otherwise.  He thinks that it’s just changed, and I'd have to agree with him.  Bart still has super speed but he's retired-"  
   
"What again?  You'd think that he'd get the hint that speedsters don't get to retire.   Didn't, like, Wally try that too?"  
   
Tim nodded. "Yes.  But it didn't stick either.  I think you're right, I think he'll be back, but for the moment he’s not on the team."  
   
"Fuck, who _is_ on the team?"  
   
Tim's face was immobile as usual but Conner read the frustration in his eyes, it had taken him years to get used to reading Tim behind that damned mask, he was pleased he hadn't lost the ability.   "Well, we have Kid Devil-"  
   
"Who?" He interrupted.  
   
"Kid Devil, he was apparently the Blue Devil’s sidekick for some time but they had a falling out."  Tim shrugged. "He's not bad, just very young.   And then there's Ravenger-"  
   
"Wait a fucking minute, you mean Deathstroke's daughter Ravenger? The dude that took out Bart's knee cap?"  
   
"The same.  She is apparently reformed now."  
   
"You don't sound convinced."  
   
He gave him a half shrug. "Time will tell.  For the moment I'm not, but they're pretty much all we've got, in addition to Cass and myself.   We did finally get Cyborg back online.  It's been good to have him back."  
   
"Wait, what happened to Beast Boy?"  
   
"He left." Tim replied, the irritation flaring in his eyes again. "He's with the Doom Patrol now."  
   
"Damn,” Conner muttered, shaking his head. “So, how, exactly, did Jay get mixed up in all of this?"  
   
"Oh, he's a friend of Miriam.  I heard her tell you that she works at Arkham?"    
   
Conner nodded. "She was explaining why she couldn't come be on the team but I had a feeling there was more to it.   Wait, is Jay a doctor at Arkham?"  
   
"What?  Oh, no, no he works at Wayne Tech, I was just curious what she'd told you, she doesn't normally tell people that."  
   
"It’s my natural charm." He made kissy faces at him. "It just brings it out of chicks, they feel this need to confess their deepest desires to me, it's crazy."  
   
Tim punched him in the arm. "You're an idiot.  You know that, right?"  
   
"Aw, ya see, that's why I've missed you."  
   
Tim grinned at him.  
   
*  
   
"So how did our romp in the park go?"  
   
"It was great, we saw this huge T-rex right, and it was killin' things and eatin' people and we thought well fuck, we gotta do somethin', but then Robby said, no, no crime fighting remember?   So we just let it trash the park.  I hope you don't live near there."  
   
"So I see your imagination wasn't damaged.  Now, it says here that you have tactile telekinesis.   Fancy way to say you move shit with your brain while touching it. So, have you tried to use your fancy mind powers?"  
   
"Naw, I thought I wait till you gave me the go ahead because you might ground me or something."  
   
Jay nodded solemnly, "You learn quickly, young one.  Now, try to move the bench you're sitting on."  
   
Conner concentrated and felt the bench lift below him.  It hovered for a few minutes and then thumped back down.   He felt a wave of dizziness sweep over him and Tim had to catch him before he fell off the table.  
   
"And that, kiddo, is why we didn't fight the T-rex.  But that's good, you still have the ability at the very least.   We just need to get you juiced up.  You ok?"  
   
"Fine," he gasped. "fine.  What's next?"  
   
"Conner," Tim said quietly.  
   
"I'm fine, Rob.  Alright Doc.  Hit me."  
   
"I would but you might fall over.  No, I think we'll leave it there for the night.   We're gonna put you to bed in this nifty solar bed that Rob and I rigged up in our spare time.  I'm going to induce sleep for the next three days.   Then we'll have you up and go from there."  
   
"Three days!"  
   
"Keep it up junior and it'll be a week."  
   
"You—you  can't _actually_ ground me."  Conner pointed out.  
   
"Says who?  I brought you into this world."  
   
Conner blinked. "No, Miriam brought me into this world."  
   
"Parenting, I think you'll find, is often a joint effort."  
   
Jay was watching Conner try to keep the look of horror off his face.  "You- you're not my father, you lunatic, I'm a clone!"    
   
Jay made a show of looking pained. "They grow up so quickly. Just you wait until I tell your mother.  Now, come on I've got to put you to bed."  
   
Conner, who allowed himself to be led more out of confusion that anything else, followed him over to a unit in the corner of the warehouse.   "Alright kiddo, I'm setting the timer for three days.  When you wake up you should be fully charged and ready to take on the world.  We'll run a few tests, get M back to give you the final ok and then we'll send you off into the wide old world."  
   
Once the lid was shut, Jay turned back to Rob and asked without any particular malice, "So did you tell him I was the Joker?"  
   
"What? No!"  
   
He held up his hands in a placating fashion. "Calm down Rob, I was just asking."  
   
"Would you want me to?" Rob asked incredulously.  
   
"I dunno, if you think it'll wig him then don't, but if he's joining the club he might as well know.  I mean he knows about M and I know about him."  
   
"That reminds me, how much does he know about Miriam?"  
   
"Ah, she said that she told him pretty much everything except that I was the Joker." Jay shook his head. "We keep this up and we'll be able to form our own team.   We can call ourselves the Misfits, or, ooo, the Malcontents how 'bout that?"  
   
Rob gaped at him and then just shook his head. "Jay, man, you're nuts."  
   
"Not anymore, I've got a certificate and everything."  
   
* * *  
   
Jay answered the phone on the second ring,  <Well hello you.> He greeted Miriam warmly.  
   
< So, how did things go with Conner?  Everything turn out alright?>

<Just fine.  I’ve put him to bed for three days like we talked about.  I want you to look him over one more time but everything seems fine.>

<Brilliant, I know Tim must be over the moon.>

Jay laughed, as he settled down on his sofa the phone pressed to his hear, <Yeah I don’t think I’ve ever seen the Boy Wonder quite so happy before, I think he might even have cracked a smile, Bats will be so displeased.>

 Miriam clicked her tongue reprovingly and Jay laughed, <Now> she said, turning serious, <we've got two and a half weeks of session to catch up on.>  
   
<Well tonight won't work, I've got a date,> Jay responded smugly. He'd been waiting _weeks_ to tell her about his.  He was ready to pop he was so excited.  
   
< You do not!> Miriam exclaimed happily, <Who with?!  Jay this is _fantastic_!  I am _so_ proud of you! See, I told it would happen!  You just had to give it time.  So who is she?  Or is it a he? >  
   
Jay was quiet for a moment, finally he asked, <Miriam, how on earth did you know I liked men?>  
   
Miriam hesitated, and then said quietly, <I rebuilt your brain baby, I know just about everything>  
   
Jay blinked, <Ah. Right.>  
   
<It’s nothing to be embarrassed about Jay.> Miriam reassured him, <After all, I'm bisexual as well.>

 <No no,> Jay waved it away even though she couldn’t seem him, <I’m not embarrassed, I was just confused, I keep forgetting about the link thing.>

<That’s probably a good thing, it upset you something fierce back at Arkham.>

Jay half smiled, <It did,> He agreed.  He thought about it for a moment poking the back of his brain to see if any resentment stirred.  Nothing.  He wondered if that was because he was no longer a criminal and thus didn’t have a compulsive need to be untraceable, or if was due to something else.

Miriam interrupted his musing, < _So_ ,>  Miriam pressed, <who’s the lucky man?>    
   
<Ok, just don’t get all bent out of shape, > Jay cautioned, < It’s Bruce Wayne.  And I know what you’re gonna say,> he rushed on, < I know he’s my boss and dipping you pen in the company ink well is never a good idea, but it just kind of happened.  And it’s not like he’s my immediate supervisor.   He’s fantastic M, I’m so _crazy_ about him.   And don’t worry, he’s nothing like what’s in the tabloids. >  There was silence on the other end.  <Miriam?>  
   
<Bruce Wayne as in Bruce Wayne the head of the- billion dollar boy, the- Bruce Wayne?>   Her voice sounded strangled.  
   
<Yeah, him.>  Jay said defensively, < Come on M, it’s not that bad.> he cajoled, <Like I said, It’s not like he’s my direct supervisor or anything and we’re gonna keep it quiet for a while.>  
   
<It’s just… um, no.  That is…um.   You realize… you realize that sits on the Arkham committee, right?>  
   
<I know.> Jay sighed.  
   
<You haven't told him…>  
   
<No,> He confessed, < but I will,> he promised.  
   
<Jay, _no_! > Miriam almost shouted.  
   
Jay blinked in surprise; he thought she’d be upset that he _hadn’t_ said anything yet.   <Miriam,> He frowned, < I have to tell him, I meant what I said. These have been the best weeks of my life!   I feel alive again for the first time in _years_.  I don't feel like I have to work all hours, I don't even fucking want to!  He makes me… he makes me think that things could actually get better. >  
   
<Oh baby,> Miriam whispered. <Just don't- don't tell him for a little bit ok?   He might not take it as well as- let him get to know you really well first?   Let him see that the Joker is well and truly gone.>  
   
<I will.  But he'll understand, I already told him about my uncle and Jeannie and- everything.   That's that last part.  Granted it's the hardest part, but I think he'll be ok.>  
   
<I'm, that’s..I’m  glad.  I tell you what, if you've got a date tonight how 'bout I swing by your place on your lunch break?>  She asked, her voice still sounded strained.  
   
<Actually we, um, go out for lunch or stay in.>  
   
<Oh… ok.  Sure.  Alright, how 'bout you call me when you can work me in?>  
   
<I will,> he promised, <Are you mad at me?>  He asked, trying to figure out why she was acting this way.   
   
<No!  No, no I'm not cross.> She said, sounding more like herself, <I guess I’m still a little tired from chasing Superboy around the world of the dead that's all.  I think it just caught up with me.  I'm gonna go meditate for a bit.   Call me if you need anything.>  
   
<I will,> he repeated.  <Take care of yourself.>  Jay said as he hung up.   He knew she was worried, and that she didn't want to worry him more by voicing those concerns.  He shook his head.  Things were going to get worse before that got better.  
   
*  *  *  
   
"Can I help you?"  Asked the man with silver hair and a British accent who had opened the door to Miriam’s pounding  
   
She smiled grimly. "I need to talk to Tim Drake."  
   
"One moment while I see if Master Tim is home.  Would you care to come in?"   The man led Miriam into an antechamber that put her uncle's to shame, her heavy boots squelching loudly on the marble floor from the rain outside.  She saw and heard none of it. Her heart was racing; she couldn't think straight, she needed… oh Goddess not him.  Her panic subsided only marginally when she realized that he wouldn’t recognize her without the illusion running.  
   
"Well hello, I don't believed we've met?"  Bruce Wayne greeted her kindly.  
   
You're the man whose about to destroy my best friend, you bastard.  "I'm a friend of Tim's from school," she said shortly. "Is he here?"  
   
Bruce's eyebrows rose at her curt tone. "I-"  
   
"Miriam!"  
   
"Tim!" Miriam nearly wailed. "I need to talk to you, now!"  
   
Tim nodded taking her arm. "We'll see you later Bruce."  And led her out the door into the rain.  
   
*  *  *  
   
Bruce stared after them. He couldn't shake this feeling that he'd met her somewhere before but he couldn't think where.   He shook his head and headed up to his room to get dressed for his date with Jay.  They were actually going somewhere other than McCall's and he though it deserved some care in dressing.   He was searching through his closet when Alfred appeared at his elbow with his favorite dinner jacket.   
   
"Thank you."  
   
"You're welcome.  Will you be home this evening?"  
   
He shook his head, not managing to keep the grin off his face. "No."  
   
Alfred smiled back at him. "Whomever she is, sir, thank her for me.  I don't believe that I've ever seen you this happy, not even with Ms. Kyle before all the trouble began."  
   
Bruce hesitated. "Alfred, what would you say if I said it wasn't a she?"  
   
Alfred paused. "Then I would say thank him for me, sir."  
   
"Jay, his name is Jay."  
   
"This is your home, Master Bruce, please don't keep someone who means so much away on account of what you think my sensibilities are."  
   
"Would it- does it bother you?"  
   
"No, and to be quite honest, sir, I've suspected for years."  
   
Bruce looked stunned. "You might have mentioned it."  
   
"It wasn't my place to say.  Besides you've always been a smart lad, I knew you'd figure it out sooner or later."  
   
"Thanks," Bruce replied dryly  
   
"Always happy to be of service Sir."  
   
*  *  *  
   
"Miriam you're scaring me, what's wrong!"  
   
"Bruce is going out tonight."  
   
Tim felt thoroughly lost "Um yes, we think, or at least Alfred does and he'd be the one to know, that Bruce is seeing someone.   Why?  What's going on?"  
   
Miriam was gripping the steering wheel so hard that her knuckles were white. "Has he seemed- does he seem happy?   Do you think he _likes_ the person he's seeing?"  
   
"What does this have to-??  
   
"Answer the question!" she wailed  
   
"Yes, yes.  Jesus.  I think he likes her.   I mean he's been in a hell of a good mood and he, well, he's skipped patrol to go see her, more than once, which he never does.   Seriously even when he's injured you have to tie him up to keep him home.  So yeah, I'd say that he is very serious about her."  He hadn't really given it much thought but perhaps he should have, someone that Bruce was willing to skip patrol for was someone that he was probably willing to marry.   That could certainly change the dynamics of things.  "Look, Miriam I don't understand.  What does it matter if Bruce is happy?   I mean, didn't you _want_ him to be happy?"  
   
"He's dating Jay."  
   
"…I'm sorry what?"  Tim said flatly.  
   
"Jay, he's dating Jay.  My Jay.  The JOKER Tim, he's dating the Joker."  
   
"But… Bruce is straight."  Tim insisted.  
   
"Apparently he's not."  
   
Tim shook his head, panic starting to edge his words. "I… I don't understand.  How… when did this happen?"  
   
"I don't know! It must have started when I went into the trance."  She thumped the steering wheel. "And it gets worse, Jay says he's in love with him."  
   
"But they just started dating!"  
   
"I know!  But they've known each other for a while and – Oh, Goddess why?  How could this happen?!"  
   
"We've got to do something!"  
   
"Like what?  We can't tell Bruce about Jay.  We can't tell Jay about Bruce."  
   
Tim chewed on his lower lip and came up with nothing. "I- I have no idea.  Oh my God, this is going to be a nightmare."  
   
Miriam nodded grimly.

Shades of Gray:  
Chapter Five

  
They were seated at a small table at one of the most expensive restaurants in Gotham.  They'd walked in past the line and been seated immediately. Jay had taken one look at the complete lack of prices featured anywhere on the menu and said, "So I'll be having the water then."  
   
Bruce chuckled. "This is on me."  
   
Jay glanced back at the line; he raised an eyebrow at Bruce. "Did we have reservations?"  
   
"Hmm?  Oh, no."  
   
"So we just bumped somebody down the line?" Jay looked both horrified and amused at the same time.  
   
Bruce grinned. "We could give up the table and go get in line if you'd like."  
   
"No, that's ok.  I was just curious.  So this is how the other one percent lives."  
   
"Actually it's more like how the point oh, oh one percent live."  
   
Jay rolled his eyes and went back to studying the menu.  "My shrink is back in town," he said conversationally  
   
"Oh?"  
   
"Yeah. I mentioned to her that I was dating.  She was happy right up until I mentioned your name. She seems to think I've gotten in over my head."  
   
Bruce reached across the table and took his hand. They were in a secluded corner, away from the prying eyes of the rest of the restaurant. Still it was the most public contact that they’d ever had. "And what do you think?"  
   
It was the closest they had ever come to discussing their relationship, coupled with the physical display, it was new and possible dangerous ground, even so Jay didn't hesitate.   "I think that I've never been this fucking happy in my life and I told her so."  
   
Bruce beamed at him. "What did she say?"  
   
"She wants me to come in for a session tomorrow."  
   
It was Bruce’s turn to roll his eyes. "Are you going to?"  
   
"Will you be working?"  
   
Bruce looked down at the table. "Yes."  
   
"Then yeah, I should."  
   
"Jay, I want to explain, it's not you.  There are just a lot of-"  
   
"Bruce it’s ok.” Jay reassured him, “Tell me when you're ready."  
   
"Really?"  
   
Jay looked him in the eyes and nodded, staving off the inevitable just a little bit longer.  
   
*   *   *  
    
Conner was doing loops around the building, "Waaaaaaaahooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"   
   
He thumped down next to Robin who raised an eyebrow at him, wigging a finger in his ear.  
   
"Was that really necessary? They probably heard you in Metropolis."  
   
"Ah, loosen up Rob.  So seriously?  The Joker?  Damn.   First Lex starts helping people and now the Joker.  This is getting messed up."  
   
"It's hardly the same thing, Conner.  Jay is actually sane now; Lex was just working to advance his own means, no different than usual."  
   
"But, fuck man, the Joker!  That's a helluva amulet!  You ought to get her to make you one then you'd never have to wear civvies, you could go round in costume all the time and just yank the amulet off when you need to change."  
   
"I thought about it actually but it doesn't cover touch, and if someone was to try and shake my hand or even bump into me they would feel a difference."  
   
Conner made a face. "Dude, I was joking."  
   
Robin grinned at him. "I wasn't.  It wouldn't be a bad idea."  
   
"So does Bats know that you're spending your free time hanging with the Joker?"  
   
Robin frowned crossing his arms over his chest. "His name is Jay, Conner.  And if you can't appreciate everything that he's done for you-"  
   
"I get it, I'm…" He ran a hand over his head shocked to feel hair there. " He just freaked me out with the ‘father’ shit."  
   
Robin rolled his eyes, "He was joking, Conner.   I grant you that he's got a strange since of humor but so do you most of the time.   I should think you'd get along like a house on fire."  
   
Conner shook his head; he didn't know how to explain that it freaked him out because at the time he had kinda wanted it to be true.   He'd never had parents; the Kents were cool, but they would always be Clark's. For the first time he thought he might have found some kind of surrogate family.  Bizarre, sure, but what about his life wasn't.   But… the Joker?  
   
*  
   
Jay looked up from the laptop; the light reflected oddly off his glasses as the two came back in.  "So how did the test go?"  
   
"All systems are go."  Conner grinned. "So you used to be the Joker huh?"  
   
Jay gave Rob a look who just shrugged, Jay chuckled. "Mmm, once upon a time."  
   
Conner flopped down next to him. "So are the glasses part of the disguise?"  
   
The corner of Jay's mouth twitched up but all he said was, "You try getting dropped in a vat of acid and see how good your eyes are afterwards."  
   
 Robin suddenly sat up, Jay and Conner turned to look at him.  
   
“No, I’m on it. Robin out.” He was already heading for the door. “I’ve got to go there’s a robbery in progress on Fifth.”  
   
Jay frowned. “Fifth and Elm?”  
   
Robin stopped. “How did you know?”  
   
Jay glanced at the calendar. “Because it’s the ninth of June which means that the Barlow Boys are back in town, on their way out to the west coast, and they always knock over the same place.”  
   
“Why would the guy keep the store open?” Conner asked.  
   
“Because he’s in on it. He files for the insurance money claiming damages that the Boys did years ago. He kept the pictures of the damage they did. Now they play nice, he gives them what they want when they come by, free of charge and he sends the old pictures in every year, and collects the claim money. He actually makes a bit of a profit.”  
   
“You’re kidding?”  
   
“Nope, but the point of the story is, after they knock the joint over they go to Ball Point Tavern and drink for half the night. So if you’d like to actually catch them, then that’s where you’ll need to go.”  
   
Robin looked impressed. “Thanks.”  
   
Jay waved him off. “They owed me a couple grand, no skin off my nose.”  
   
Robin rolled his eyes and headed out, Conner was grinning at him. “You’re ok Jay.”  
   
Jay grinned back at him, “I’ll sleep better knowing that I have your stamp of approval kid. Oh, speaking of sleeping.” he scribbled something down on a piece of paper. “This is my address in the city. If you ever need a place to crash feel free to drop by. I’m normally at my lab, but you can use the code, it’s on the paper. Fair warning though, I’ve got a boyfriend, so there is a chance that you’ll stumble in on us.”  
   
Conner gawked at him. “You’re gay?”  
   
Jay crossed his arms over his chest, “Is that a problem?”  
   
“What? No! Dude I’m cool, this is like the twenty-first century and stuff, I don’t get all bent out of shape over stuff like that, but your-"  
   
“Conner, seriously, if you say 'but you’re the Joker' one more time…”  
   
“Getting old huh?”  
   
“Just a tad.”  
   
*   *   *  
   
Three months.  They were able to stave off the inevitable for three months until finally, Jay just couldn't do it anymore.   He was in love, not the silly romantic hearts and flowers kind of love, but the kind that was almost painful.  The kind that was so good that it hurt every time he thought about Bruce and how much better his life had become since they started seeing each other.   And he just couldn't not tell him any longer.   Because if Bruce was going to leave him he needed him to do it now; he was already in way too deep.   He should never have let it go on this long as it was. He knew it would be painful, but he hoped that what Bruce had said would hold, that he wouldn’t hold his past against him.  
   
When Bruce arrived Jay knew that he could tell something was wrong.   
   
"Jay?"  Bruce asked as he took the seat that Jay offered him on the couch.  
   
"Bruce, there is something that I need to tell you.” He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “Several things, actually.   First and foremost I love you."  Bruce opened his mouth to reply and Jay held up a hand. "Don't or I'm never going to get this all out, ok?" He fidgeted. "Ok. I love you. Being with you has- well it’s made me believe that my life can actually improve. That I’m not doomed to be punished for my mistakes forever but that, maybe, I really can have a second chance, even if I might not deserve one. And I need you to know that I would never, ever hurt you."  He swallowed. "Ever.  Now." He coughed. “Do you remember what I told you about my uncle?"  Bruce made a noise in his throat that indicated that Jay’s uncle could go rot in hell; Jay gave him a small smile.

"Right. So, he ran one of the Mafia families here in Gothem back in the day.   When I was seventeen I managed to get away, I moved in with Jeannie, eventually we got married and we were even going to have a baby.   A boy, in fact."  He smiled sadly at the memory. "One night my uncle showed up on my doorstep, he said-" Jay squeezed his eyes shut, "-he said that he had one more job and that if I didn't do it he was going to kill Jeannie and the baby."   Bruce opened his mouth to respond, a horrified look on his face, but Jay held up his hand again.  Swallowing he went on. "I agreed to go with him.  I know,” he said to look on Bruce’s face; “I _know_ it was a stupid decision.  But I was young and scared and I wanted to believe that if I just did this _one_ last thing it would be over and he would let me go.”  Jay’s mouth compressed into an unhappy line, “But it was a set-up, apparently there was a leak in the Mafia and my Uncle was trying to plug it up.  I was supposed to be the scapegoat.  I was on a catwalk when I got caught in the cross fire, it gave way.  The job had been at-" he was looking at his hands now turning them over and over, "-at a chemical factory.  I ended up in a vat full of acid."  Bruce froze.  
   
Despite the fact that Jay was looking anywhere but at him he noticed and groaned inwardly. "I- I don't remember much after that, I can remember getting dumped out somehow. I- I think there was an explosion?  I got washed out into the center of the warehouse. I remember thinking that I needed to get home to Jeannie.  I still, to this day, cannot remember how I got home.  But I did. Get there.   I found her. Dead.  I don't know what happened. I- I never did find out.  But I lost it.”  He put his head in his hands. “I went and found my uncle, I killed him and I never really stopped. As I got older my memory got worse. The damage from the acid ate huge holes in it. I’d forgotten everything I’ve just told you.” He swallowed. “Say something.”   
   
"You're the Joker."  Bruce’s voice was emotionless, he sounded like a machine.  
   
Jay looked pained. "I was.  I'm not now. There is a new director at Arkham, you’ve met her. Her name is Miriam Alexander. She’s amazing. I know you know her, you’re on the panel. Hell, you were there when I was released.”  
   
“I voted against it.” Bruce’s voice was still entirely without inflection; Jay had no idea what he was thinking. His face was no better; it was like he was wearing a mask.  
   
He nodded miserably. “I know. Bruce you’ve seen what she did for Harvey! That wasn’t all the surgeon. She has… power.   She did something similar for me. She healed my mind. She fixed the damage caused by the acid. I'm entirely sane. The Joker is dead. I swear.” He ran a hand through his curls, and whispered. “Bruce talk to me. Pretend it’s just me for a moment.”  
   
Bruce drew in a shuddering breath. “I don’t know what to say.” Jay waited, giving him room but Bruce just stared at him. He finally asked, “How?”  
   
Jay looked confused. “How what?” he asked carefully.  
   
Bruce scrubbed a hand though his hair. “You don’t _look_ like the Joker. You don’t _sound_ -" Bruce stopped. “Laugh.” He ordered abruptly.  
   
“Sorry?”  
   
“Once or twice, I’ve heard you laugh and I thought, and your voice, it’s still the same isn’t it?”  Anger was starting to creep in at the edge of his words.  
   
Jay swallowed. “Yes and no. M trained me on how to speak and laugh a bit, but most of it is just me. I’m just not, you know, insane. So my octaves don’t tend to fluctuate like they did.”  
   
“And that’s the real reason for all the record erasure.” The anger was become stronger. “Did M do that as well?”  
   
Jay winced at his tone but held his eyes. “Yes.”  
   
“She’s very good.” He said derisively, “I knew she was too good for Arkham.”  
   
“Leave her out of this,” he said quietly. “Bruce I’m sorry that I wasn’t entirely honest with you-"  
   
“Entirely honest!”  Bruce shoot back, “You’re the _Joker_ , Jay. That’s something you need to tell the man you’re sleeping with.”  
   
“I’m telling you now. We both know that we’ve been keeping things from the other.”  
   
“I’m not keeping back that fact that I’m a mass murder,” Bruce replied viciously.  
   
“So killing my uncle was ok,” Jay returned heatedly, “but the rest you take issue with. God you are such a hypocrite.”  
   
“Don’t you _dare_ call me a hypocrite, you lying son of a bitch.” Bruce was on his feet now, chest heaving. “I trusted you. I-” he shook his head. “But then, that’s my fault, isn’t it,” he sneered. He turned on his heel and walked out the door.  
   
Jay watched him go and then slumped down in his chair. Well that could have gone better, he thought miserably.  
   
*  *  *  
   
Bruce was running on autopilot.  He made it back to the manor and to the Cave before he really started to feel anything beyond numb.   When the pain hit, it almost winded him.  He fought back the tears, trying to wrestle his emotions back into the black box where he normally kept them. This is what came of trusting people, he thought grimly. You’d think he’d learn. He stripped and headed for the gymnasium, trying to pound out his pain and his frustration, trying to beat his fear and his anger and his hurt into submission. Three hours later Alfred found him exhausted and nearly sobbing in the gym.  
   
“Master Bruce!” He hurried over to where Bruce was huddled on the floor.  
   
Bruce looked up blindly, not answering, he couldn’t think of a single thing to say. What could he? The man I love is the same man that killed Jason Todd. The man that makes the darkness go away was the source of it for nearly fifteen years. He has killed untold numbers, and I love him.  
   
“Master Bruce, what’s wrong?” Alfred asked urgently.  
   
Bruce shook his head. “I’m an idiot,” he said thickly  
   
“What? No Master Bruce, you’re not. What’s happened?”  
   
“Jay is the…” He couldn’t say it. Saying it would make it real.  
   
“Did something happen with Mr. Jay?” Alfred asked concerned, and Bruce closed his eyes.  There it was.  Jay had been telling him all along.  It had been right there. Mr. J. He was a fool.  
   
“No, nothing. I’m- it’s nothing.” He levered himself up to his feet and struggled to the shower. He turned the water as hot as it would go, and let himself believe that the tears running down his face were from the showerhead above.  
   
*   *   *  
   
“Please Master Tim, I don’t know what else to do, I’ve never seen him like this! Talk to him, please.”  Alfred pleaded as Tim hovered at the entrance to the cave.  
   
Tim nodded and headed down. Bruce was at the console, he looked horrible; he hadn’t shaved, there were huge rings under his eyes and his posture spoke of pain. Tim knew that he’d been overdoing it in the gym; he’d seen the stats. Bruce had overridden the safety controls. Again. Tim locked them back into place using an encryption code he’d created for that purpose the last time Bruce had refused to see reason.  It would take Bruce a while to work through that one.  
   
Tim took a deep breath knowing that this was probably going to go very poorly, but he had to try.  “Bruce?” Bruce barely acknowledged him.  Tim moved further into the cave, “Bruce, I know about Jay.” That got his attention. Bruce’s head whipped around so quickly that Tim actually caught a flash of pain across his features before it was buried beneath the mask. “I’ve know about him for almost a year now. Miriam, that girl you met the other day, that’s Miriam from Arkham. She knows about you, she knows about me. She’s known about me for years now. She’s my friend and I trust her.” He’d asked Miriam about this, if he could tell Bruce about everything. She looked at him, her eyes red from crying and said that if he thought it would help, she would give Bruce a blow by blow account of how her mother had been tortured to death. “Miriam is like Zatanna, she’s a wizard.”  Tim explained, “She’s healed Jay. I’ve been working with him on a project for the last eight months or so, he is a wonderful guy. He is _not_ the Joker anymore, falling in love with him is not a betrayal of Jason, me, or anyone else, least of all you. Give him a chance. He’s not the Joker anymore, go talk with Miriam if you need more proof.  She’ll tell you everything.”  
   
Bruce was quiet for a long moment. Finally he said, “That girl that was here was your age.”  
   
“Yes,”  Tim agreed, “she uses an illusion like the one Jay wears.”  
   
“And you knew about Jay?” His voice was dangerously calm.  
   
“Yes. I couldn’t tell you. Jay is my friend and I couldn’t violate his trust any more than I could yours."  
   
“So what you’re telling me is that a fifteen year old girl is running Arkham, she healed the Joker, gave him a magical talisman that makes him look normal and then set him out on the world. Meanwhile you knew about this, she knew about you, and me, and you neglected to tell me any of this.”  
   
Tim winced internally, but answered calmly.  “Yes.”  
   
“Get out.”  
   
Tim sighed; it had been worth a shot. He shook his head at Alfred as he left.  
   
*   *   *  
   
Miriam was sitting at her desk when she felt the distance ward trip.    She turned around in her chair, watching him as he stepped though the window. Miriam winced as she felt the pain roiling around him, but she refused to strengthen her shields. If emotions were getting through his shields then she was going to use it to her advantage even if it did hurt like hell.  
   
“I’d been wondering when you were going to show up.”  She started casually.  
   
“Shut up. “  Batman snapped back, his voice harsh, “You _lied_ to me.”  
   
“Says the man wearing the mask.”  
   
Bruce ripped the mask off and roared, “ _YOU LIED TO ME_!”  
   
Miriam was taken aback by the sudden, violent gesture but she didn’t let it show. “Yes. I did. I lied to a great many people. But I did not lie about the reason why I came here. These people needed help, I came to help them.”  
   
“What gives you the right?”  Batman demanded.  “What makes you think that you can just—

“What?  Help them?  Aside from the fact that I _have_?  That it’s _working_?”  Miriam retorted heatedly, “I’m doing good work here, I’m helping the people that you and this city wrote off, don’t you _dare_ impugn that work.”

“What the hell _are_ you?”  
   
“I am half human and half elf from a small shamanic clan in Wales. I was trained by my clan in the art and science of magical practice and inherited from my eleven heritage the ability read and manipulate the minds of others. "  
   
“So you could be lying and I would never know it.”  
   
“Aye, I could be. I could also wipe your memory and make you forget what Jay told you and fix this entire bloody mess,” she replied sharply. “But I’m not and won’t because I have chosen to be better than the monsters that made me.”  Miriam took a deep breath and tried to tamp down on her anger, “ I ask you to remember that you are not the only one who has lost people in their life Bruce Wayne. I have, Tim has, and Jay certainly has. I know that the two of you have a history. I know about Jason Todd, I know about the decade-plus long war, but the man with whom you fought is only a memory now. You have my word that Jay is sane, healthy, and that he loves you."  
   
“I can’t trust him.”  Bruce ground out.  
   
“Why? Because he finally had the courage to tell you the last piece of the puzzle? He never said he wasn’t the Joker. You’ve only been together for three months. That’s not something that you start a relationship off with. He told me that you said that his past didn’t matter, that his record didn’t matter. Did you mean it?”  
   
“That was- I thought he was just talking about his Uncle. The Joker has killed hundreds of people,” Bruce replied heavily.  
   
“So you didn’t mean it?”  
   
“I wasn’t in possession of all the facts!”  
   
“Do you love him?”  
   
Bruce stopped short; he could see that she already knew the answer. “Yes. But I’m not sure that I can forgive him.”  
   
Miriam nodded. “I understand. I don’t fault you, Bruce. I can’t,” she replied sadly. “This is no one's fault. Just a case of wrong place at the wrong time. I’m sorry that things have turned out this way. All I can promise is that he is sane and should you give him a chance it would be Jay, and not the Joker, you were bringing back into your life.”  
   
*   *   *  
   
Jay sat on the couch, arms wrapped around his knees and stared at his laptop screen; he’d put in his letter of resignation about a week ago. Lucius had been round to try and talk him out of it. Half the department had called him, or tried to. He’d stopped taking calls by the fifth day. Each time it rang and wasn’t Bruce he died just a little more. He’d started looking for places outside Gotham, anywhere that wasn’t here would be an improvement. Miriam had suggested Metropolis, but he didn’t want to run the risk of running into Superman or Lex Luthor. Somewhere small, where they’d never head of the Joker… he laid his head down on his knees. He wasn’t even sure it mattered anymore. He’d had a second shot and he blown it.  
   
Jay’s head came up wearily at the sound of a knock on his door. He sighed. Miriam just wouldn’t quit. He’d stopped taking her calls as well so now she’d stared coming around. He could ignore her but she’d just stay out there waiting. He got up and opened the door to find, to his numb surprise, Bruce standing there instead. Jay felt his mouth fall open. He saw Bruce’s eyes widen at the sight of him.  He knew he must look a mess. His hair was disheveled and he’d barely eaten or slept in days.  
   
“Bruce?”  He asked tentatively.  
   
Bruce put a hand out towards him and Jay flinched, anticipating the strike, he saw the hurt flair in Bruce’s eyes. “God, Jay no.” he said, sounding mortified, “ I’m not here to… I came to apologize and to explain, if you’ll let me.”  
   
Jay relaxed slightly and nodded, opening the door wider to let him in. He breathed in deeply, Bruce smelled of sweat and shampoo and Bruce. He felt tears pick behind his eyes and he fought them back. He was not going to break down in front of him. Bruce noticed the boxes as he moved farther into the apartment; he turned to Jay and asked with something like panic in his voice, “Are you leaving?”  
   
Jay nodded. “I put in my letter of resignation about a week ago. Did- did you not get it?”  
   
“Jay no!”  
   
Jay looked confused. “Bruce, you can’t be telling me that you still want me to work for you?”  
   
Bruce shook his head. “We’ll get to that later. Yes, I still want you to work for me, if you want to. But that’s not important. I came to apologize. I-” He sank down on a chair and rubbed his hands over his face.  Taking a deep breath he looked up to meet Jay’s eyes as he sank onto the love seat opposite. “Jay. I— yes, I was ok with you having killed your uncle because I saw it as justice. When you added other people into the equation, it tipped the balance.” Jay started to respond and Bruce held up his hand. “My turn, ok?”  He asked softly.   Jay nodded and Bruce smiled weakly. “I- I know that you were mentally ill. And if my experience with the Joker wasn’t so personal then I could probably disassociate and leave it at that. You were sick. Done. But, I can’t because, because while I know you were sick, you always seemed so in control. Bizarre and off the wall, but damn it, I held conversations with you! You always seemed lucid enough, as if, if you really wanted to you could have stopped at any time.”  
   
“Bruce, I’m sorry but I’ve got to interrupt. I know that I knocked you off a couple of buildings, and I’m really sorry about that, but-"  
   
“I’m getting to it.” He explained, he took a deep breath. “You know about my parents. You know that they were murdered.” Jay nodded looking confused by the change of subject. “Well at that moment and every day after I dedicated myself to fighting injustices like the one that they had suffered. Crimes that took place in the shadows where the cops were afraid to look. I trained everywhere, I went around the world and learned everything that I could, I trained with every martial artist on the planet, I trained with escape artists, I trained with Buddhist monks, I even trained with shamans in Africa. I forged myself into a weapon. I knew that I needed to make myself more than I was, to make myself indestructible, an unstoppable force. And when I came back to Gotham, I made myself a wraith, something that struck fear into the hearts of criminals, a symbol that couldn’t be silenced or bought. And I fought for the memory of my parents and those like them.”  
   
Jay’s mouth was hanging open, “You’re about to tell me you're Batman, aren’t you?” Bruce nodded. “Well, yes…” he said slowly, “that does explain a few things.” Jay closed his eyes, leaning he head back against the love seat, “Oh god, Bruce, I’m so sorry.”  
   
Bruce sighed. “So you see…”  
   
“Yeah, no, I get it.” Jay gestured toward him, not looking away from the ceiling, “Jesus, you must hate me.”  
   
“I wanted to. When I left here I tried to. But no, I don’t. I love you.” Jay’s head came up sharply. “I just have no idea where we go from here.”  
   
“You love me.” Jay repeated stupidly.  
   
Bruce nodded, and Jay scrubbed his hands through his hair, tugging on his curls.   “Oh God. Miriam. She knows, doesn’t she, and Rob? No wonder they were so upset when I told them who I was dating.”  
   
“They’ve kind of been stuck in the middle, yes. Robin mentioned that you were working on a project together?”  
   
Jay glanced up. “If I tell you are, you going to get mad at me?”  
   
“That depends, what were you doing?”  
   
“Um, we cloned Superboy again.”  
   
Bruce’s eyebrows shot up. “I thought you couldn’t get it to work?”  
   
Jay grinned and Bruce was reminded of why he loved the man, it was like watching the sun come out. “I haven’t been able to clone _parts_ yet. I will at some point, when all the bits decide to play nice. But cloning entire people is simple. Well the chemistry is simple,” he corrected himself, “it’s everything after that that gets dicey.”  
   
Bruce sat back on the couch. “Jay, you realize the knowledge of how to clone people has been lost for the last two years.”  
   
“Yeah, well.” He shrugged. “Nobody asked me. Well except Rob.”  
   
“And you’ve been working on this for how long?”  
   
Jay hesitated, thinking. “Um, about ten months or so, I’m not saying that it’s not time-consuming. Oh and I think you’re gonna have a huge bill somewhere, sorry, but Rob was paying so…"  
   
“I’ll have to have a talk with him about that,” Bruce remarked dryly. “But it worked?”  
   
“What? oh yeah. Conner is flying around somewhere as we speak.”  
   
“Conner? You know who he is too?”  
   
Jay rolled his eyes. “Yes Bruce. I built the kid, I think I’m entitled to know his name. And no, before you ask, I don’t know who Supey is but I could make an educated guess.”  
   
Bruce nodded not caring to comment, personally he always thought that Clark made it a bit too obvious as well, but it was his choice.  
   
“So,” Jay continued, “that was a lovely attempt to try and ignore the pink elephant, but what say you we bring pinky on over here and have a little chat?” Bruce glared at him. “You see, you’d think I’d have recognize that.” Jay held up his hand so that it covered half of Bruce’s face moving his fingers so there were just slits where the eyes were. “Personally I’m shocked I didn’t figure it out. I mean, what did I think you were doing all those nights? I was pretty sure you had a 'night job' and I couldn’t really see you going the Rupert Thorne route or the common thug what does that leave but a Cape?”  
   
“You’re taking this better than I thought you would.”  
   
Jay blinked. “It wasn’t _you_ trying to kill _me_ for the last fifteen years or so.” He stopped and cocked his head. “Has it really been fifteen years?”  
   
“Just about.”  
   
“Damn. I am old.” He sighed. “I’ve got no reason to hate you Bruce. You on the other hand.” He closed his eyes and sighed again, his head thumping back against the back of loveseat. “I’m sorry. If I could go back and undo what I’ve done I would. If I could give up my life in exchange for those that I’ve taken, I would. But I can’t. I don’t know what else to say.  I’m sorry.  I won’t do it again. But I cannot spend the rest of my life apologizing.”  
   
Jay’s eyes snapped open when he felt the loveseat dip next to him, his eyes slid to Bruce’s. He could see the indecision there, the pain and the fear. “Just, decide in the morning. If you’re going to leave.” He ran a hand along Bruce’s face. Bruce leaned into the touch, his eyes slipping closed. “Give me one more night, where it’s just us. No Batman, no Joker. Make me forget one more time.”

Shades of Gray:  
Chapter Six

Bruce woke with Jay in his arms and a decision in his mind. He watched Jay sleep, his hair tousled, face calm. Bruce ran a hand down Jay’s side noticing again how frail he felt.  
   
“Good morning,” Jay muttered fuzzily, his eyes still closed. “Howdidja sleep?”  
   
Bruce smiled; Jay was not a morning person. “Fine. You?”  
   
“Good,” he grunted.  Bruce slipped his hand around Jay's cock and stroked gently as Jay moaned. It was soothing, it was how they always began their mornings and it put a feeling of familiarity over everything. Bruce was able to forget, for the moment, all the problems that lay ahead.  
   
“Jesus _yes_. Mmmm,” Jay said arching into the touch. “God I love you.” Bruce kissed him then, hard. Loving those words. Jay clung to him as he came, face buried in Bruce’s neck. Finally, Jay roused himself a few moments later and asked him, the same wicked grin on his face as always, “Head or hands?”  
   
Bruce always knew it was coming yet it still made his stomach clench and his balls draw up tight. It was always his choice, mainly, he suspected, because Jay loved to hear him asked for it.  
   
“Head.”  He replied as usual.   Jay kissed him and slid down, taking him into his mouth. Jay was, _oh god_ , so good at this.  When Jay did this, _oh sweet lord_ , he almost couldn’t breathe. He moaned out loud as Jay managed to hit every spot just perfectly. Jay hummed his appreciation and Bruce moaned again.  
   
It was almost as good as sex. He’d chosen hands once, just because he didn’t want… he didn’t want Jay to have to do this all the time. Jay had just looked at him, it was almost like he could read his mind sometimes, and he’d said, “You know I love giving you head right? That you’re not making me do anything I don’t want to? I enjoy it as much as you do.” And Bruce had responded, without thinking, “Not possible.” The smile on Jay’s face had been beatific.  
   
Bruce came and Jay, as always, drank him down and then lapped him clean. He shuddered hard and finally pulled him back up.  
   
“Thank you,” he said breathlessly. Jay chuckled, and Bruce, now that he was looking for it, wondered how he’d never heard it before. Jay was right, he hadn’t changed his voice at all. He just kept it at the same octave. It was amazing the difference it made. Jay looked at him quizzically and Bruce shook his head not ready to leave the safety of the bedroom just yet. Jay seemed to understand and shifted closer again.  
   
“We need to feed you,” Bruce said abruptly as his fingers slid along Jay’s ribs.  
   
Jay rolled his eyes. “Bruce I’m fine.”  
   
“When was the last time you ate?”  
   
“Um…”  
   
“My point exactly, we need to feed you.”     
   
“Alright, but you’re not doing the cooking.”  
   
Bruce looked affronted. “I’m a good cook.” Jay raised his eyebrows at him. “None of my other dates complained.”  
   
Jay chuckled again. “Well then either your dates were dead in the mouth, or they weren’t paying attention to the taste of their food. I do admit that you can be rather distracting.” Bruce actually blushed and Jay kissed him. “You have no idea how handsome you are, do you?”  
   
Bruce kissed him back. “I could say the same for you.”  
   
Jay snorted. “Um, yeah, no. You know very well that-” He stopped and shrugged uncomfortably. “You know better than that now”  
   
Bruce frowned at him for the moment and realization dawned. “Jesus, Jay I’m sorry.”  
   
Jay waved it way, clearly not wanting to talk about it either. “Alright, food. What do you want?’  
   
“French toast, bacon, waffles, scrambled eggs and sausages.”  
   
“Wow. Hungry are we?”  
   
“I plan on making you eat all of it.”  
   
Jay rolled his eyes as he slid out of bed, he walked half way to his closet and then turned around, he looked at Bruce and then closed his eyes and asked, “I- I need to know. Are you staying? For good? Are we going to try and make this work? Because if you’re just putting off the inevitable for my sake-"  
   
Bruce had started moving as soon as Jay’s eyes were shut, they snapped open as he slid his arms around him. “I’m staying.”  
   
Jay sagged with relief. “Thank you. Oh God thank you. You have my word, never again, I swear-"  
   
“We’re not going to dwell on it. Like you said you can’t keep apologizing for your past. From here we go forward. I’m not saying that we don’t need to talk about things, we do, but you don’t need to apologize any more. We are going to make this work.”

END

 


End file.
